The Lost Teller

Dinner

I have been helping make side dishes and clean all afternoon to say I'm exhausted is an understatement. We were waiting for people to start showing up finishing up the final touches to dishes and set up, a lot of the women and kids have already arrived including Tara. Turns out her and Jax are now sorta seeing each other. I heard the rumble of bikes and knew they were here and part of me was happy to hear the sound it's become a comforting sound in the silence. "They are here!" Gemma shouted to the ladies as everyone piled into the kitchen to welcome the guys I snuck away to my room. It has been completely redone, still blue walls but I put up some posters, a body mirror and got a new bed and bed set and just stuff to help make it homey I guess. And a whole new wardrobe that I really can't complain about. I sat on my bed spacing out when there was a knock at the door "come in Jax" I smirked knowing it was him. "How did you know it was me?" He asked "no one else seems to notices when I go missing but you." I rolled my eyes because it's truth he's the only one that really goes looking for me if I'm not right there. "That's not true. People notice they are just to scared to come looking." He matched my smirk at this point. "Common Before there is no food left." He shrugged toward the door but wait to make sure I was gonna follow before actually moving. I followed him out to the table and we were greeted by Tara "hey where did you go run off too?" She asked with a knowing smile I just shrugged and went to sit at the end of the table they followed and sat in the two seats beside me. Across from me was Opie and piney and so on. "Alright everyone dig in.!" Gemma told everyone as they all started attacking the food I just sat back and watched them all eat and laugh and just seem so care free like a normal everyday big family. "Hey kid if you plan on eating I'd start getting food before it's all gone." I was snapped out of my thoughts by Bobby who was at the end of the table next to me. Catching Jax attention in the process causing him to look at me questioningly. "You good?" He asked me for probably the million time in the last week alone "I'm fine just watching everyone. This is the first time I've every actually be at one of this things." I said "a house with food?" juice joked "no you dumbass an actual dinner where people actually sit and talked to one another without a care in the world. It's weird. Only time I've ever sat a table surrounded by people was when my foster parent had me committed for trying to off myself" I shrugged as a few people choked on there food as they looked at me. Realizing I was ruining the mood I apologized for being a downer and went to stand and leave "Hey kid stop. Sit down. It's okay." Jax tried but I wasn't having it. "No it's not. I can't do this." I stated and walked off to my room. Once inside I locked the door and slid down to the floor.

~Jax pov~
As Dakota walked off everyone was quiet until Tig smacked Juice upside the head. "Why did ya have to make a stupid comment." He accused Juice "what it was a joke I didn't mean to upset her!" He defended himself. I got up leaving them to bicker and went to go open her door but it was locked so I knocked. "Go away Jackson." How the hell does she always know it's me. "Open the damn door. You can't just keep shutting me out because something gets uncomfortable. I can't help fix shit if you don't let me try." I tried to reason with her again when I didn't hear anything I knocked harder "if you don't open the damn door I swear I will kick it down." I was getting frustrated. She keeps shutting us out. I can't help her through shit if she keeps herself locked up and shuts everyone away that tries. "Let me try." I turned to see Tara. "I talked to her therapist. I kinda understand where her mind is at in all this." She told me softly as she walked to the door I moved aside as she knocked lightly. "Dakota, I know it all seems like a lot, trust me it's still a bit much for me some days. And if it's just to overwhelming right now that's okay. We don't want to push but we want to make sure your safe. Please just unlock the door. I promise we aren't gonna force you to come back out. You don't have to do anything you aren't ready to do. We just need to know that you are safe." She spoke softly and it honestly just made me love her more. "I'm fine. I just want to be alone... please just let me be." Dakota was clearly cry you could hear it in her voice. She's so broken and I don't know how to help her. I hate it. "We should just give her some time Jax." Tara gave me a soft smile and walked away. But if she's gonna sit in there then I'm gonna sit out here and wait. So I sat down and leaned against the door. "Okay. I'm here when you're ready. I'm not going anywhere." I said it quiet but I knew she heard me because I could hear her crying harder from behind the door.. I am gonna get it in her head that she isn't alone anymore. She can depend on us. She can depend on me. I didn't think I could care and love someone like this until Abel was actually born and then she came into the picture too and it just seemed to fit. I hate that I wasn't there for her all these years. But nothing is gonna stop me from being here now. No matter how long it takes for her to understand that.