The Lost Teller

Out bursts

It's been 2 weeks since the guys got home, and true to his word, I was back at home the night they returned. The guys got into running drugs and guns with a cartel and it's already put so much stress on things, you walk into the club and you can feel the tension. Jax wants out of the club, once they cut all ties and are out of guns for good and he gets the club on the right path, he wants to pack up the boys, Tara and I and get outta charming. I honestly don't know what I think of it all. I haven't really voiced that I'm not ready to up and leave because I know it'll crush him and that's the last thing he needs right now but this is my home.. Tara has an offer out in Oregon and we are taking a trip out tomorrow for the weekend for some convention meet and greet thing. I tried to get Jax to let me stay home or at the club with sack if he didn't want me to be alone but he wasn't budging. He's hardly let me out of his site since they got back. It's slightly annoying. If he's not watching me then a prospect or Half sack is. I get the worry but it's been 2 weeks I have been doing my therapy session twice a week no issues and been opening up and everything, aleast to Ashley, he doesn't like that he feels like I'm hiding stuff from him. But I'm doing it to protect his feelings. He just won't ease up. "Hey kid, I'm taking a ride out to town come with me." Jax said walking into the dorm where I was in the middle of trying to finish a song I had started writing when they went in. "Do I have a choice?" I asked a little more annoyed and rude then I meant it to sound. "Well now that you asked it like that no. Drop the attitude. I'm just trying to keep you safe." He said it with a bit of anger himself now I just rolled my eyes. "I'm trying to finish this. I'm almost done, I'm perfectly fine here. I'm surrounded by people Jax and you discarded all the weapons in this room." I groaned frustrated. "Finish what?" He asked and before letting me answer he took my iPad. "You made a song about the club.?" He asked confused and interested. "Kinda I'm honestly not sure what it's about and ill never know if you don't let me be so I can finish it." I sassed "fine, but I swear if you do anything stupid and I find out there will be hell rained down on you kid." He rolled his eyes and threatened walking out. But him saying that gave me more of an idea and without another hour I finished the song. I ran out into the bar and immediately rushed over to Sack "I finished it." I smiled and practically shoved the iPad In his face. "Finished what?" He asked taking the iPad "the song. My first song." I smiled more "so when do we get to hear it." Tig asked who I didn't even realize was sitting at the bar next me "uh never." I stated "you wrote a song but you never plan to play it. What's the point then?" He asked slightly sarcastic "the point is to say that I did something." I sassed annoyed by all the questions. "I think that's lame." Tig stated again I rolled my eyes. "That sucks for you." I remarked "Have Bobby sing it!" He exclaimed outta no where. "No." I stayed and went to grab my iPad back but tig grabbed it first. "Tig give it to me." I scowled "I just wanna read it." He said holding it up in the air just as Jax walked into the club with Chibs. "Jax! Make Tig give me my iPad!" I whined pouting. "Tig, give the kid her iPad back." He said it casually "Aww come on I just want to read the song she wrote." He pouted "wait you actually finished. Let me see it." Jax said and went to grab the iPad now himself. "No! No more looking at the shit I wrote, you're all vultures. Give it back to me. Now!" I shouted now getting angry at these men. Which made Jax narrow his eyes at me. "Excuse me? You don't tell me what to do, watch the attitude kid." He stated in a way that I knew I shouldn't argue but I didn't care "Its my shit! I don't go reading your stupid little journal entries about this club falling to shit! It's called respect Jax, not that any of you idiots know what that is!" I shouted at him once again. I immediately regretted what I said because of the look on his face. I knew I was about to get my ass handed to me. "Dorm now." It was a flat out demand but at this point I had dug a hole so why bother backing down now "No! I didn't even do anything wrong! I just wanted my iPad back! Because I didn't want the whole fucking world to read the shit I wrote! I regret ever telling any of you about it!" I was still shouting at him and at this point everyone in the bar looked like they wanted to leave and be as far away from this. When he didn't say anything I got more worried, he put the iPad on the bar and walked to me, stopping right in front of me. "Go to the dorm, and don't not even think about coming out until I come and talk to you And before you try and argue you might want to take a minute and realize the trouble you are already in." He looked at me as he spoke slowly and way to calm for my liking. I just nodded and slowly turned around and walked very slowly to the dorm, well aware he was watching me the whole way. I went and sat right in the chair, slowly regretting everything.. and realizing how stupid it was to say what I did. The longer I sat here the more I started to fill with guilty and anxiety over the fact I knew what was coming. Another lecture and confrontation because of my stupid actions. I could feel myself panicking. I was trying to focus my breathing and calm my self down right as Jax walked into the room. He looked pissed which made my anxiety worse but I pushed it aside and tried to seem fine he stood in front of me with his arms crossed "You wanna tell me what the sudden out burst was about?" He asked "You guys wouldn't give me the iPad back. I asked guys to stop and just give it to me. But no one seemed to care what I wanted." I answer honestly because it was true I tried to ask nice. "That doesn't give you any right to talk to me or anyone else like that. I'm the adult here Dakota not you, you're right we weren't listening but that doesn't give you a reason to ever be disrespectful the way you just were, after accusing us of not having respect. You're grounded 2 weeks. The attitude needs to end fast." He lectured me like always for a few minutes cutting to chase for once right to telling me I'm grounded. "Okay." I said it as dry as possible. "There's something else bugging you I can tell. What is it.?" He asked me relaxing abit and coming to sit on the bed. "Nothing I'm fine. I just wanted my iPad back." I sighed trying to play it off like that was it. "Bullshit, I know you better than that by now kid. I know when you're hiding shit, so talk." He no longer sounded pissed off and just concerned and frustrated again. I just shook my head "I have nothing to say. Aleast nothing that's really that important." I shrugged it off. "Well seeing as your idea of not important usually ends up being something important, humor me anyway." He insisted I just rolled my eyes "fine, I don't want to go to Oregon, not just for the weekend. I won't want to move outta charming. This is the only place I have I know. I mean yeah most of the 17 years here were hell but it's still home and I like being around the guys and the club, I've never had actual family until you guys showed up and now you want me to leave." I sighed as I saw the look of guilt and sadness cross his face. "Kid I'm sorry, I didn't think about it like that. I didn't consider what moving would be like for you. Look it's not set in stone, it's just a possible option for the future to have a better healthy life that I want you to be apart but I wouldn't make you move from charming if it wasn't something you wanted to do." He explain sympathetically. I just nodded and didn't say anything "Kid if shit like this is bugging you, you have to talk to me. You can't bottle shit up and not tell me thats what leads you to bad situations like what happened when I went away." He sighed trying to once again explain why I can't push shit away or push him away. "Look I'll talk to Ma if she agrees ,which I'm sure she will, you can stay with her for the weekend while Tara and I take the boys with us for this trip." He told me and I had to force myself to not smile about that. I nodded "You know I love you right?" He asked out of no where I nodded again "I love you too."