The Lost Teller

Exhausted

After we had lunch we went right to the hospital to see Abel. Turns out he will be released in another week or so. He has already grown a lot in the last week. He's a strong little boy, everyone is excited for him to come home. I decided I'm going to stay with Gemma for the first little while to give Jax time to figure out the whole father thing and have time to bond with Abel without distractions. Gemma is insisting that I'm not a distraction but agreed regardless. Jax wasn't as fond of my reason but still agreed he thinks I'm just trying to push him away still. Which is slightly true but mostly I just want him to be able to focus on Abel. I've accepted that pushing him away won't ever happen at this point he's too damn stubborn. I was sitting in my room messing around on my google docs app typing some random lyrics. While strumming the guitar I got when I want shopping with Ma. "I didn't know you knew how to play guitar." Jax interrupted walking into my room no longer caring to knock. "I can't really. The little I know was just shit I looked up how to do." I shrugged still strumming and typing more stuff "what are you writing." He asked as he grabbed the iPad "the outlaw?" He questioned "I don't really know I'm just writing shit that comes in my head as I strum. Now leave me alone." I groan taking back my iPad. He just smirked and sat beside me laying back on the bed. I decided I might as well give up for the night putting the guitar down and closing my iPad. "Did you guys track down Travis?" I asked looking at him. He nodded. "He won't be putting his hands on anyone else again." He said "Good" I nodded. "What's with the boxes against the wall.?" He nodded to the pile by my closet. "Stuff of yours from the attic. Gemma figured since I liked your old shit she had sack pulled more boxes down." I smiled genuinely happy about that, I liked wearing his old shit. Made me feel safe for some reason. He just smiled and laughed "whatever makes you happy kid." "You know you have your own house. And your own bed right?" I laughed laying back next to him "You know you have your own clothes and shit in your own closet right?" He sassed back smiling "touché jerk" I laughed he had a point. "You kids getting along in here.?" Ma asked coming to stand in front of the door smirking with her hands on her hips "no, but he started it!" I accused "what, I did not!" He defended himself making Gemma roll her eyes. "Right well Dakota tomorrow we go to the high school to get you information and possibly inrolled for the fall new semester. I already called and made an appointment and after that you have another session with the therapist doc." She said making me groan. "School sucks can't I just homeschool. It's all I've been doing for the last 16 years." I asked already dreading public school system. "Sorry hun I would let ya but I have no clue what to do with that shit." She admitted. "Why don't I ask juice? He probably knows how to set that shit up?" Jax suggested sitting up again as I turned to my side facing him. "I mean if he can then I guess we can look into that as an option but we have a meeting set so we are still gonna go Incase." Gem shrugged agreeing to aleast look at options. I was beyond tired and stopped listening to them talking. "Hey kid you still with us?" Jax lightly touching my arm "huh yea I'm here." I said "why don't you go get ready for bed and shit. I'm gonna go make a call and I'll be back in a bit." Jax said getting off the bed walking to the door. I nodded getting up going to the bathroom. I jumped into the shower letting the hold water wash over me. It felt nice after everything today. I never thought having a older brother or a family like this one would ever be something I could actually see myself being apart of, I'm still worried once Abel is home though Jax and everyone will give up and forget about me. Or get tired of my issues. Babies are always more fun and less hassle for most part. Everyone always thinks they want a teen until they have a baby around. It's been the story of my life. I finally end up with a nice family, I get used to it slowly then they have a baby and everything goes to hell. I get pushed aside and forgotten or sent back to a group home. Im trying so hard to believe it's not gonna be the case this time but I can't let myself fully believe it. I want something to stick and stick for good. I need it. I stand there in the shower overthinking and before I realize it I'm sitting on the floor sobbing into my arms. I'm just so exhausted of living in constant fear of what might happen. I realize I've been sitting in here for awhile so I stand up and wash up quick before I start to worry anyone. Having unlimited hot water isn't something that any house I've ever been in has ever had before so time seems to go by faster now. I jumped out and dried off throwing a plain black shirt and some shorts on and comb through my hair. I take my meds sitting on my sink. I don't know if the meds have really helped to much but I didn't have any issues sleeping last night but I also cried myself to sleep so I have no clue really. I walked out to see Jax laying on his back on my bed again but this time he had changed into grey sweatpants and a white shirt. "Took long enough." He jokes until he looked up. "What's wrong. Your face is all red and puffy." I just shook my head. "I'm fine just tired." I said getting onto the bed laying my stomach. He didn't question it farther even though I'm sure he wanted too instead he just looked at me for a few moments. "You don't have to stay here ya know." I told him. "Want me to leave?" He asked questioningly. And honestly I didn't I didn't want to be alone if I didn't have to be. I shook my head no then turned away closing my eyes letting the comfortable silence lull me to sleep.