The Balotelli-Bale Series Book #3: The Italian Belle

Chapter 42: Agreements

Nathan's POV
"You don't get it from him. Your father was a calm man. He never exploded under pressure. He kept it together. You get it from me. I sometimes lose my temper like that and I get physical fast."

I paid attention to the city below. Everything is normal. It's the same everyday and I'm bored to death. I would rather be on the ship. I'm used to that, not this domestic lifestyle where I have nothing to do. I'm working towards being an Admiral like my father. In terms of my career I know where I'm going. In terms of being a father, I'm clueless. A husband perhaps but she doesn't want me and it hurts. She has a whole life I'm not part of.

I am not proud of hurling her across the room like that but she provoked me. She was being sarcastic and rude. I'm not happy about yelling at her. I'm not proud of being around and never looking for them. I was a mess. I needed time. I felt she was better off without me. Taking a life messed me up. Kosmos would have killed me instead if I didn't fight back but many times I wonder if he had to die. Then Alexander was poisoned. If I hadn't looked for him, If I had obeyed my mother and not rocked the boat we wouldn't have fallen in. He's dead because of me. Two lives... I'm responsible for the loss of two lives. I felt she would better off without my darkness. Yes there are moments I hoped she was pregnant because my mother wanted a grandchild but sometimes I wished it didn't take so that she can be free from me.

"I could have hurt her. I don't know what happens to me when I'm mad. All I see is red and I just want to hurt someone. I could have hurt her. I'm ashamed of the way I acted. I'm sorry."

"Her arm is swollen and dark but she's fine. I know you two can make it work if you get past your issues. Nathaniel, why didn't you tell me there's a girl who may be pregnant? We spoke often and not once did she ever come up. Why?"

"Dad said he will handle it. I thought he told you and you didn't care enough to ask me."

"You knew I wanted a grandchild. Why didn't you mention her then? With a name I could have found her much sooner and all this could have been avoided!"

"I'm sorry."

"Nathaniel sorry is not enough. You got a sixteen years old girl pregnant and you averted responsibility. That was wrong and yes I'm reprimanding you because I did not raise an irresponsible son! All those times you got out of work you could have looked for her instead of hooking up with that red head!"

Vivi... How does she know about Vivi? Does Maria know? I know about Wayne and it's driving me mad to think she could have made him my child's father.

I looked into her angry blue eyes. I do get the rage from her. She has better control though.

"No you didn't raise an irresponsible son. I'm sorry. I'll do my best to make up for it."

"And Vivi? Is it over? She's marrying Sinclair and I don't want trouble with the Sinclairs because you can't keep it in your pants! For goodness sake! Are women toys to you? One after another Nathaniel till you got a sixteen years old pregnant! If that came to light it is under statutory rape! Shame on you!"

"I didn't know she was sixteen."

"Did you ask?"

"No." She slapped the back of my head. I counted to ten stilling my heart and breathing slowly. "That is on you! I could tell she's too young when I saw her so why couldn't you and that was two years ago? For goodness sake she was a child! You should have been the adult regardless of your feelings! Everything you have done from that moment where she is involved has been irresponsible Nathaniel! You should have mentioned her to me even if you think your father did! I could ha found her and given her a comfortable life! All this could have been avoided!"