The Force In Your Hands

Trust

When I got up on this Saturday morning, I remembered the dream as clearly as never before. I remembered every word I had said. Every word the man in the frock, bald and with jet black eyes had said. And actually, everything I had done and seen. This hall with the statue... it had all seemed so real.
I didn't know what to believe. Was this dream real, or was it, well, just a dream?
Julia. A nice name, but was it my mother's name?
I had to find out if this dream was real. And therefore I needed to know if her name really was Julia.
I knew it wouldn't be easy. In our house, we avoided everything that had to do with my birth parents. So I couldn't just ask Claire. She would answer with 'it is not important and you don't need to know'.
But it was the only lead I had. As I asked the internet about the word 'chanter', I couldn't find anything which astounded me. After all, you would process the subconscious in your dreams. So I had to have already heard about it. I just couldn't find any other explanation about this.
But I knew one thing: I couldn't do this all by myself, and if I tried, I would probably go crazy. So I made a decision. I had to tell Alex everything. And while I decided that, I already dialed his number.
"Hi Moonshine," he answered the call.
"Hi Alex, can you come over?" I walked up and down my room, tugging nervously at the shirt I was wearing. Maybe I should've tried it alone, but now it was too late.
"What's the matter? You sound pretty flustered. Is it because of yesterday?" he asked, and he sounded worried.
"No, well yes. Kind of. I'll explain it when you're here. It's important. Please hurry." Then I hung up, didn't let him come to word again so he couldn't disagree or say 'no'. Exhausted, I fell on my bed. But instead of staring at the ceiling, I closed my eyes and contemplated. How should I explain Alex all of this in a way so he wouldn't declare me insane at the end?
I wasn't able to find an answer to that because at that moment the doorbell already rang.
I opened the door, to find Alex gasping for air, supporting himself on the doorframe.
"If it's not really as important as you said, I'm gonna kill you." He said it with a little smile on his face, and I had to smile back. Then he came inside.
"Where is Claire?"
"She's trying a new yoga program. Trying to find her inner strength or something."
He laughed. "First, stars, and then, inner strength?" I had to laugh with him, and I started asking myself once again why I hadn't told him. But now I would. I shooed him upstairs in my room.
"You better sit down, it could take a while." I sat down on my bed cross-legged, and Alex did too.
I hesitantly began narrating. Now I was unsure again because he would definitely declare me insane, but after a short while this insecurity went away and the words came out of my mouth like a waterfall. I talked and talked and Alex sat there, just listening.
In the middle of my story, I jumped up and started pacing my room. I tore my hair, only to comb it with my fingers because I couldn't stand the chaos, and gestured wildly. It probably looked very funny, but in case Alex would have to laugh, he was hiding it very well since not one muscle of his face was moving. In the end, I plopped myself on my bed again. "And that's why I need to know if my birth mother's name is actually Julia. And if she's really still alive," I ended my telling.
"And once you've found out, what do you want to do then?" He didn't think I was insane. He believed me, or at least he trusted me. Maybe both. This shimmer of hope lifted my mood a bit, but my next words crashed it again, "I don't know."
But Alex clapped in his hands and said optimistically, "Well, I'd say we start and see how far we come."