Maladaptive Daydreaming
a mental illness that causes one to constantly daydream or imagine an idealized life in their head 24/7.
daydreaming is totally normal. everyone daydreams. people daydream when they're bored or just wishing to imagine something. it's normal. nothing odd about it. who doesn't daydream?
there are people who daydream more than others. 24/7 to be exact. they don't necessarily day dream cause they're bored. sometimes it may get in the way of a person's daily life activities.
doesn't really sound bad though, right? that's what you think or maybe you don't. i don't know. anyway a person who has maladaptive daydreaming struggles. in a way it's also an escape, at least for me, because you can escape from the shitty world we live in and enter your idealized life. the life you wish you had. except we're emotionally attached to the world that we created in our heads. i mean that's okay, right? well apparently not. why? well probably because it makes one almost crazy. i tend to not be able to separate reality from that world I wish to be in. kind of like oneirataxia.
Oneirataxia
Noun/: the inability to distinguish between fantasy and reality. (Can also be a symptom that a person may have)
I find myself "talking" to the people that are in the idealized life that I created. It's all in my head. Not real. Like and it's not talking in my head but it's like out loud. I swear they talk back but nope it's my daydreams. Ha, thinking about it hurts a bit. I hate to say it but I guess I am emotionally attached.
Maladaptive daydreaming is intense daydreaming and it distracts you from real life. Real life events usually trigger some of the daydreams. That's what I mean when I say that it is some kind of distraction or escape. Real life situations trigger your daydreams to appear. Who doesn't want to be in their dream world. A world that they created, a world that is only for them. Your daydreams can contain people from the real world or not but still it is not real nor will it magically become real. It's not difficult to understand what it is. But in a way it is difficult to understand why it is so bad.
like I said the emotional attachment to that world that does not exist. Let's say this person with this so called mental illness has depression. they may try to find a way to escape these intrusive thoughts by going into their own world. that lovely world that they created in their minds. i guess that's why it's bad. instead of speaking to someone or finding help you just distract yourself like you're running away from your problems. like what the fuck is wrong with you!? there is no escape. they'll just find you or catch up to you once you get tired of running. yeah I guess that's why it's not good. I mean obviously there are other reasons but in my case that is the reason.
that's what's wrong. well except the depression part I'm not trying to be like those people who say they are depressed but really aren't cause they never got tested or anything. they are the kind of people who just seek for attention. Like those pick me girls or whatever. that shit is fucking annoying. I mean I've never gotten tested. I'm just a sad person sometimes, how about that. I'm not sure if I'm depressed because like other people have real reasons to be depressed or experienced some horrible things that happened to them causing their depression. Mine are just dumb. Like insecurities, or letting the things people have called me get to me. Like the fuck why do I care. I'm not trying to impress anyone. It's annoying. Like there is no point. What good does it do. It just makes it hard for your family members and myself.
I mean it's not like it would affect my family. they would choose not to believe it and say I'm overreacting. They would also probably say that I'm too young to be all sad that I still have a long life to live. According to my family, me not having motivation to do anything, me feeling down all the time, me being a hot fucking mess. It's all just laziness. Just a regular boring teenager.
The difference I have from others is that I realize that I need help. Well I don't need it, it's just best that I probably like get help or something. I just hate talking about my problems y'know. Afraid of judgment, disappointment, and just treated as I'm some person sick in the head. Someone who is dumb for feeling that way.
Especially if you're Christian or religious. Like you have god or whoever you praise go to them, they'll help you. I feel like when I pray no one hears then again I don't really attempt it or when I "pray" it's never about that it's just like thanking or asking for forgiveness cause I'm a terrible fucking person. I seem to fail too, y'know be "good" quite often. probably why I also feel the way I do because I can't seem to keep being right or doing the "right" things that are expected from me.
I've been told by Christians that the Bible does say something about how god always loves you and he listens to you and he doesn't leave you alone. But like why the hell would god love me? When I don't even praise him or follow his rules. But this so-called god doesn't help me anyway instead he punishes me for my wrong doing. Which I very much deserve.
It all makes sense though because well when you do something wrong you should get punished you know learn from your mistake and be better. blah blah blah. So if this is his punishment then that's okay.
Anyway back to the maladaptive daydreaming. I have my own world. it's all over the place and the stories change all the damn time but still it revolves around me. In my world I'm not judged lol like all my friends well "friends" haha get it cause they're not real. that's kinda sad. Anyway um they don't judge, they like me and they don't think I'm weird. They know everything. It's really like I'm talking to myself and I know everything about myself but whatever it's okay to pretend.
In this world, like my real life, people also don't treat me weirdly cause they don't know. They know nothing about this.or me. hence why I'm writing it here like it's my journal but on my phone. It's kind of fun honestly.
This is probably gonna be erased or something. Haha wait no what if like the fbi or whoever watched my screen or watches me through my camera comes across this. Noooo they'll know my secrets. Eh whatever who are they gonna tell anyway they're probably some weirdos too. Or some loners I don't know. Sorry FBI agent?? Lol. if I've offended you. But like am I wrong or? Haha anyway yeah it quit a concept pretty interesting if I do say so myself.
Really this is me ranting. I don't know, like go me for talking about my feelings well part of them. this is just the beginning. we'll just see what other things I have to say about my illnesses or broken parts of myself. And I guess you can listen or well read. Maybe even relate who knows.
~ signed by me
:)
