alone. lost. deep in the darkness is where I am. hidden behind a mask that I put on for the world. I'm in a new world. I created it. its so peaceful. quiet. no one is there. this world has no other human existence but myself.
Its a strange world. its always night time. I seem to be drifting towards it quit often. like when I'm taking a test in school. before I know it I'm in that world. so fucking annoying. there is an eerie feeling there. probably because I'm totally alone. yet I'm at peace. I feel if I stayed there I could finally rest like I've been wanting to. but then again I couldn't.
this world stresses me out. I mean I like my made up worlds. its my escape but dammit why does it have to be this specific world. what is it trying to teach me. if it wants to teach me that being alone is okay then I am aware.
at times I don't mind it. I don't mind being alone. if I'm being honest I much rather be alone. but sometimes it hurts that's what my world is for. my people that I've created they fill my emptiness. but as of right now the only world that appears is that world with no human existence. and right now I shouldn't be alone especially in my head. I mean I don't really like people. like alone physically is fine. that's better for me but mentally no. things go bad when that happens. But that's a topic for another time.
I hate relationships. like the fuck why do I want to get my heart broken for. like people are heart stealers. bitch give it back its not for you. no but like they take it and give it back broken. its like if your at a store and break something. your paying for it. that way they can get a new one. So take my heart and break it but like pay for the fucking repairs. give me that check.
okay I honestly I don't know what I'm talking about. my relationship experiences have been total shit. and that is what I learned from them lol. like someone tell me how I'm supposed to feel. honestly why did I give my heart to them. I just sat back and watched them throw it in the trash. where were they when I needed them most. Now I'm just stuck. sitting here with a black whole in my chest. I'm a heartless broken mess.
none of this is making sense. like where the hell is my head. ill be drifting soon. into my headspace. that means that I cannot continue to write anymore. just for today ill be back soon anyway. maybe. kinda hate doing this but it helps. sorta.
anyway I'm getting off. my brain is empty. I'm trying to stay in my world so I can finish this but fuck its hard. okay I need to stop talking or typing whatever.
bye
~signed by me
:)
