life is total shit. what's the point we're all gonna die anyway.
i was once asked why did I wish to die. think about it this way. is there really any value to this thing we call living. do we even live. are you alive?
i feel as if I'm just floating. it's really no where specific. I'm just consumed by the darkness. I'm stuck and I can't go anywhere else. all alone, afraid, yet at peace. I don't feel lonely yet I do like I'm empty. it's strange the way being lonely can make you feel. like when you're lonley you have no one. no one to comfort you or just be with you. you're just there letting the loneliness take over you.
that's where my daydreams take place. the fact that I'm so alone. the dreams bring me life. I have people all around me yet I feel so alone. just because there are people that say they're there for you doesn't actually mean they are there. I mean thanks for the support i guess.
what am i even doing. I have no energy for this. this is tiring me out. I'm exhausted. why can't I just rest like a normal person? when can I finally rest?when can I finally be at peace with both myself and the world?
sometimes I want to live. but most of the time I don't. this is simply because well what am I gonna do when I'm a fucking nobody. I'm just another body that roams this earth. Nothing special really. literally someone told me I was a waste of space and I was taking up air that other people could have. like damn I am very aware of that but that's a bit harsh, no? poor person though. they looked like they were having a rough day or well I don't know but they looked rough. I mean I was just trying to get my snack from the convinence store at 3am and get home so I could finish my show. I just happened to accidentally bump into them. they even made me drop my snacks. eh whatever I still got home and finished my show.
I binge watch shows at 3am only because that's when like I have no distractions and I can actually pay attention. I don't know why but at 3am my attention span is unbelievable like I'm so into whatever I'm watching.
I grew up only to watch the people around me advance in life. meanwhile I'm stuck. I can't even separate life from fantasy. I'm a piece of shit. All I do is disappoint. oh my please I'm ranting like a middle school girl who claimed they were depressed because google said so. eh whatever I'll just live to die that's it. I'll continue to dream. I'll continue to stay in my head. it's better anyway.
Im out. this is making no sense. I'm starting to think that there is no point in doing this. it's just making me realize how pathetic I am. people in the world have real problems and they're perfectly fine so just whatever.
goodbye.
~ signed by me
-_-
