Assassin

Destiny

I was woken up by the bright sunlight outside, and I was having a very bad headache. My whole body seemed to ache too. I was feeling dizzy when I opened my eyes.
I looked around and realized that I was lying across the sofa of the cozy little cottage of J—
I shot up in panic; the memory of last night came flooding back. My hands flew up to my face, covering my mouth which was hanging open.
I was not sure if it was just a nightmare. It was so vivid though – I was kidnapped by a gang and John found us, and – and John – he—
I could not finish my thought. I looked around, turning my head furiously, hoping that John would come out of one of the doors, smiling the charming smile of his.
“John?” I croaked, not believing that it was reality, “Where are you John?”
No response.
I stood up, checking every single room, and every time I proceeded to the next room, my heart rate increased. Something unpleasant started to go up my throat, and my throat was feeling extremely dry.
“John?” I called out again, “John, this is not funny; where are you?”
I doubled checked the whole house again, desperate for John to appear out of thin air. I checked every single room and table to see if he had left a note behind telling me that he would be back later. But all I found was a huge bag of gold on the dining table. Otherwise it was just a hollow house.
I sat down on our bed, my frame shaking madly. I clutched the edge of the bed and bit my lower lip hard.
I shook my head, trying to clear away the frightening image of my nightmare… Or was it really reality?
Without a warning, a tear fell from my eye and landed on my thigh, coloring my dress a darker shade on where it landed.
I sobbed slightly, trying to persuade myself that it was only a nightmare. I tried to keep the voice in my head which told me it was true – how did you explain the mysterious bag of gold? The gang must have kept their promise and left it behind.
But John could not be gone. He was such a good fighter; how could he get defeated? He was the father of our child – I remembered he said he really wanted to see how our child would be; he could not be gone yet, he had not even seen his child!
More tears fell from my eyes, and by now I could no longer gain control of my body. I knew it was not a nightmare; I was shaking like I was experiencing an earthquake and I cried noisily. I wish John was here to hold me in his arms and tell me everything was okay. I wanted his strong arms around my cold body. I was feeling cold. Not only on the outside, but also inside.
My lips trembled and I wanted John’s lips on them to calm them down. I craved for his touch. It was agony to be alone in the house, not having John beside me. He was my world.
And my world had collapsed. He was gone. Forever.
The thought triggered more tears and I fell back, landing on my back. I rolled over to the pillows and grabbed John’s, clutching it close to me. I inhaled his scent left on the pillow and I missed him so much. It was like there was a big hole in my heart; I was not completed without John.
I buried my face into the pillow, and cried myself to sleep again. I dreamed of John, saying goodbye to me. I grabbed both of his hands in mine tightly but he just slipped away, smiling silently at me. I begged for him to come back but he just shook his head.
I opened my eyes in fright and screamed. I sat up and realized that it was late afternoon. I looked down on the pillow I was clutching and that reminded me of my loss again. I hugged it to me tightly and just curled myself into a ball, rocking back and forth.
I put my hand on the bump on my stomach and what John had said the other night popped into my head again. I still remembered how excited he was over our baby. How much he wanted to see our child. But now he would never get the chance. And our child would never get the chance to see their father, to get to know how amazing he was. They would just be strangers to each other, although they were bounded my blood.
Tears began to flood down my face again. The emptiness scared me. Knowing that I would never see John hurt so much. I clutched my chest and gasped for air. It was like a lot of pressure was put on my chest; I could barely breathe. Only John’s presence could take away the painful feeling. But that would never happen.
I cried endlessly; I had used up so much energy but I had not eaten for ages. I was feeling hungry but I could not eat. The thought of eating and surviving without John made me want to throw up.
I lied back down, crying to myself again. After a while I realized that my baby would need food. As much as I did not want to eat, my baby would need food. I would have to make sure the baby was alright for John. He loved it so much although he had not yet – never – seen our child. I would have to keep the baby safe and strong. For John. I would have to live for him.
I heaved myself up and used all my effort to leave John’s pillow behind. I walked into the stocked kitchen and fried myself some eggs. I scoffed them down and sat on the sofa, staring into space.
I looked around the cottage; every single detail reminded me of John so much. The flowers on the table, the clean floor, the neatly arranged decorations – everything. It used to be me and John’s cottage. It was not the little land of ours anymore without John. It was just a cottage without a soul.
I escaped back into the bedroom to avoid the attack of tears. I fell onto the bed and covered my face with John’s pillow. I smelled his scent, memorizing it carefully.
A tear fell from the corner of my eye and I could not take the crying anymore. It made me feel worse.
Reminders of John were not healthy to me. As much as I wanted to stay and keep myself as close as possible to John, I would have to leave and have a fresh start. It would not do any help to stay here and get miserable over everything.
I told myself that I would leave tomorrow and leave everything related to John behind, except the pillow of John. That would be the one single John-related thing that I wanted to keep. With the bag of gold I could go to anywhere I wanted.

“Mummy!” Johnathan cried from the distance, “My sword is broken!”
I looked up from the roses that I was watering and watched as my precious three-year-old child ran towards me, holding pieces of wood in his pale little hands. Yes, he was as pale as his father, and as beautiful as him. He had the shapes of my features but Johnathan had his father’s gorgeous blond hair, green eyes and plump lips, which reminded me of John so much.
He came to a stop in front of me and held up the broken sword to me, “What have you done with the sword?” I asked, taking the broken pieces.
“Anthony was being mean to Jasper and I scared Anthony away with the sword!” Johnathan beamed at me proudly – which reminded me of John’s smile again, “And then I got too excited and hit it on the trunk…”
“I’ll buy you another one in the market tomorrow, okay?” I messed up his hair, “Just make sure you don’t hit people with it!”
“I won’t, Mummy!” he flashed me his teeth and ran into the house.
We were now living in the town which was just next to the town where John was born, and I had bought a nice small house with a garden in town. I raised Johnathan on my own and there was still a lot left from the bag of gold. I did not have to work; it would be enough until Johnathan had to look after himself.
I still missed John every day, every minute, every second, and every moment. But as now I had Johnathan, life was not so bad after all. I had got over the depression and I knew John would be happy to see us like this. Johnathan had filled up most of the hole in my heart now, although there was still a significant empty space there. But it did not bother me that much now.

“Johnathan!” I called out from the kitchen, “Breakfast is ready!”
No response. I sighed, and walked into Johnathan’s room.
“Wake up, sweetheart,” I kissed his round and smooth face and he rubbed his eyes, “Do you want to buy a new sword or not?”
He immediately sat up straight, “Oh, yes Mummy!”
He quickly jumped out of bed and got ready for breakfast. I chuckled at how adorable he was.
After breakfast, I brought Johnathan to the market. We walked into a toy shop, and Johnathan immediately let go of my hand to look at the toys.
I just stood there looking at him, when he found a wooden sword which was too big for him. He ran to me, “Mummy, I want this one!”
“Johnathan, it’s too big for you,” I told him, “Choose a smaller one, honey.”
Johnathan’s face fell, but as he ran to the pile of wooden swords, he smiled again.
“I think this one suits him well,” suddenly a very familiar voice rang beside me. I froze and turned my head slowly, hoping that I was not overthinking things.
A tall, pale and lean guy stood beside me, beaming at me, holding a wooden sword. He had soft blond hair which hanged above his beautiful green eyes, sweeping across his forehead. His high cheekbones, angular jaw and, most of all, his plump lips, shock me like I was given an electrical shock.
I opened my mouth and tried to say something, but nothing came out. I was transfixed and I noticed that there was a scar on the guy’s nose.
But that was the only difference between this guy and John.
“Is that your son?” he smiled at me, gesturing to Johnathan who was happily hunting for a wooden sword.
I nodded, “He’s gorgeous; just like you,” he told me, and walked towards Johnathan. I watched in shock as he tapped Johnathan on his shoulders and handed him the wooden sword. They walked for a while and even playfully sword fought. He was definitely my John.
A tear fell down my face, as the man – John – paid the shopkeeper. Johnathan looked up at John and thanked him, showing his teeth.
John turned to look at me and he froze as he saw me crying. He quickly walked towards me as Johnathan went to look at some other toys.
“Why are you crying?” John asked me doubtfully.
I gulped, “John,” I managed to whisper.
He seemed taken aback, “How do you know my name?”
“I – I have a friend who looks like you and he’s called John,” I stuttered, and sniffed. I wiped away my tears with my sleeve.
“What a coincidence,” he chuckled.
Just then, Johnathan ran back to me and told me, “Mummy, we can go now, and this uncle is so nice! He bought me this sword,” Johnathan held up the sword.
“Did you thank him?” I sniffed and smiled.
“Yes!” Johnathan smiled back.
I looked up at John, “Would you like to have a drink with us? To thank you for buying a present for Johnathan,”
“Sure,” John beamed, and I had missed that smile so much. I blinked furiously to force my tears back.
I watched as John and Johnathan walked down the street in front of me, getting along happily. I was so glad that John and Johnathan had met each other finally.
John might have lost his memory, but I was sure I could make him remember and fall in love with me again. We had been drawn apart for three and a half years but destiny had put us together again. We were definitely meant to be.