Assassin

Decision

“John,” I said, desperate to drag the moment; but I could not postpone it anymore, “I – I’m pregnant.”
John’s hand which was stroking my arm immediately froze. I could feel his whole body had frozen. My heart was sent into frenzy, beating ever so quickly. I was scared that this situation would happen and now it was really happening.
I looked down and tears began to form around the rims of my eyes. I was feeling so emotional at the moment and I was sure John was thinking of how to ditch me. He was an assassin after all, and how could he continue to be an assassin and be with me and our unborn child? That would be very, very unhealthy for all of us – he would easily get distracted while he was doing his job as I would be tied down with him and he had to remember he had a family. It would create so much tension and pressure and I was sure this would absolutely destroy everything we used to have. It might be easier and better if he left me now. At least it would be the best scenario for him.
A tear lingered around the rim of my eye and it fell onto my dress. John jumped a little and he shifted a bit. I closed my eyes and let my tears fall.
“(Yn)?” John said softly, but emotionlessly.
I sniffed and shook a little. I did not want to face him. I did not want to face reality. I wish everything was not the same as it was now.
“Look at me (Yn),” John put his palm against my now wet cheek and turned my head to make me look at him. He put his other hand against my face and wiped my tears away with his thumbs. He cradled my face between his gentle hands.
“Why are you crying?” John asked, barely above a whisper.
I sniffed, “I don’t want to say goodbye,”
“Why do we have to say goodbye?” John asked, furrowing his eyebrows.
“You’re going to leave me,” I folded my hands on my stomach.
“I’m not going anywhere, love,” John whispered, and gently kissed my tears away as I was still crying, “What made you think that?”
“You can’t possibly get tied down,” I told him, voice breaking, “It’ll be too dangerous for you and it won’t be good to our baby. What if one day you get distracted and while you’re doing your job and – and—” I could not say anymore. Just the thought of it made me want to break down. I could not bear that possibility.
John pecked my lips and silenced me. He moved back a little and stared into my eyes, studying my tear-streaked face carefully.
“You’re my everything (Yn),” John said, “I can do anything for you; it’s not impossible for me to get tied down. You’re the one and only girl I have ever loved in my entire life, and I will give up anything for you. They don’t mean anything to me as long as you’re well and happy. And how can I leave you and our gorgeous child behind? I’d rather be dead.”
I was touched. More tears fell down my face, but I broke into a smile. My heart was now fluttering, but not because of nerve; it was because of happiness.
I threw my arms around John’s neck and hugged him. John wrapped his arms tightly around my waist and kissed my head.
“I love you John,” I whispered.
“I love you too (Yn),” John replied, “And our baby.”
“Yeah, our baby,” I released John and looked down at the small bump that was starting to form in my stomach. John put a hand on top and stroked it gently. I put my hand on top of his.
“I’ll ditch my job,” John said quietly, “But if we want to stay in somewhere safe, this is certainly not the best place. It’s the complete opposite. Those people might just find troubles with us again.”
“I – I don’t know,” I bit my lip, and I felt very bad for being so selfish. John had sacrificed for me, but I was thinking about my family and friends.
“I know you’ll need time,” John said understandingly, “I won’t push you.”
“Thank you so much John,” I said sincerely, “You’ve done so much for me but…”
“I understand,” John smiled, and he looked like he did mean it, “If I were you, I’d probably do the same.”
I kissed John and we fell asleep in each other’s arms like the many other nights.

The next day, my parents organized a huge family dinner with all the family members and friends, including Anna, Juliet and Alex’s families.
“Oh, great timing,” I muttered to myself once Mother told me about this in the afternoon and had gone out of my room. I was having so much on my mind and my pregnancy was not helping; a gathering would be the last thing on my mind. And I would have to go and see John tonight as it was a routine, but with so many people here, I was sure they would stay here until very late and some of them might even stay for the night. It certainly would not be easy for me to slip out.
When everyone started to arrive, I just sat quietly in the corner as I could not stay up in my room even though I had told my parents that I was not feeling well. They said I could not be so impolite and not show up.
“Hi (Yn),” I was deep in thought when Anna and Juliet approached me, and I jumped a little.
“Oh, hi,” I smiled small at them.
“How are you feeling today?” Anna asked, sitting down with me in the corner.
“Better, thank you,” I flashed her a weak smile.
“How was it last night?” Juliet asked in a whisper.
“He accepted it quite well,” I whispered back, and our heads leaned in so our conversation would not be easily heard, “He said he’s ditching his job for me… But then it won’t be safe to live here anymore, you know, just like last time…” I trailed off.
Juliet nodded but said, “But it’s impossible! Are you planning to run away with him, really?”
“Yeah,” Anna added, “You can’t just leave everything and everyone behind!”
“But what choices do I have?” I said, “I can’t tell my parents. And I love John. I want to spend my life with him. And it’s the best for the three of us.”
“How about your parents? How about us?” Juliet asked urgently.
“I’m so sorry for that but I think that’s the only way I can accept,” I looked down.
“(Yn), I’ll miss you,” Juliet said quietly after moments of silence between us.
“Are you sure you have to do this?” Anna asked again, and I could tell she knew there was no way that could make me change my mind.
I nodded.
“I’ll miss you,” Anna whispered, trying not to cry, which made Juliet looked as if she was going to cry too, “Can you visit?”
“I’m not sure,” I said, holding back my tears. It was so emotional right now, and no one around us had seemed to notice the atmosphere around the three of us, “It’ll be dangerous; what if we get caught by those gangs that are the reasons of why we have to leave? Or what if someone who knows me caught me? Like my parents?”
“When are you leaving then?” Juliet asked.
“I don’t know,” I admitted, “I haven’t told John about my decision. I’ll tell him tonight… But really, please don’t look like that; you make me want to change my mind.” I looked away from their sad expressions.
The three of us spent most of the remaining time of the night together, as we all knew that we did not have much time to spend together. We did not speak much, but it was like we could communicate through silence.
At last it was time for me to go and find John.
“You’re not leaving tonight, are you?” Anna asked worriedly.
I shook my head and smiled at the two of them, “I’m just going to tell John about my decision,”
They accompanied to the kitchen and we were very careful that no one seemed to have noticed us sneaking into the kitchen. Most guests still had not left yet, although it was very late.
We closed the door behind us and they hugged me.
“Be careful,” Juliet told me, “And make sure you tell us when you’re leaving.”
“I hope John does worth this,” Anna said, “And oh, I wish I could see how your child is going to look like! I bet he or she will look beautiful, just like you and John.” she smiled.
I was about to say something when the door of the kitchen banged opened and Alex came into view. He had an expression of anger, confusion and jealousy mixing together.