raising your little elephant

Chapter Three- The Fear Factor

Let me begin by stating that I do not recommend the following method. That being said, here is how a baby elephant raised in captivity will often receive training from their handler. Due to their great size and strength, elephants are virtually unstoppable as adults. So, it is critical while they are still small and manageable to chain the youngster to a stake firmly embedded in the ground. At first the little one will pull and tug at the restrictive chain but soon it will grow tired and give up fighting to escape. As the years go by the same creature now full grown will continue to believe that escape is impossible. It's impeccable memory has imprisoned it permanently in the belief that the little stake and chain it is cuffed to is just too strong to break free from.

Just like this little animal we may be the unwilling recipients of training from our childhood that is meant to keep us safe from harm but as adults should not remain a barrier to our emotional growth.

Just imagine you see a young child in a store tethered to their mother with one of those Velcro wristbands that keeps the little one from running off. You may see this as a practical safeguard in this dangerous world of child predators. But now imagine you saw a teenager walk by still tethered to mom with a larger version of the same restraint. If this happened you may wonder if that family has some serious issues. Although we may never witness such an extreme display of overt control, we may have witnessed the emotional equivalent.

Please do not misunderstand. Secular laws are in place and families have rules that govern behavior. These are all good and practical tools that help to maintain order and keep people safe. However, what is the motivation for such guiding standards? Is it based on a desire to do good and help others? In the case of families, is it motivated by a love for the parents? Or is it something far more effective but also perhaps emotionally scarring? Fear is extremely effective at producing results in small children. Fear is healthy while keeping us safe from harm. For instance, a small, unexpected tumble while little is an excellent teacher in helping a little one avoid further pain from a harder fall. Little jolts of pain from time to time will remind us of boundaries that must be observed for the sake of safety.

So, fear has a place in our development to a certain extent because it reveals there are negative consequences for certain actions. At the same time, some actions may be harmful to us in our youth that are not restricted from us when we are older. Unfortunately, if fear of pain has been overused as a teacher in our youth, it might become our dominant belief system as we grow older. If this occurs fear may graduate to the role of jailer. Much like the little elephant mentioned earlier we may begin to associate fear with the chain. This will keep us from growing emotionally. If this conditioning imprisons us for too long, we may even start to believe that this behavior is normal.

Throughout history many have associated this type of elephant training method to their concept of God. In the Bible they will find the word "fear" and reason that this is a tool that God or at least religion uses to keep people in line. In the case of religion, the evidence speaks for itself. Doctrines such as hellfire, and eternal torment support such fear mongering. If these concepts were indeed based on scripture then God would be placed in a very negative light as well. Fortunately, there are many Bible lexicons that reveal such concepts may have actually been misinterpreted by overzealous religious leaders who thought they could successfully deliver the masses to God 'shaking in their boots' as the saying goes. These sadistic descriptions of the creator, however, do not line up with other parts of the Bible which reveal a loving God.

In fact, there is one scripture that is very important in unraveling this concept of leading with fear. It is found at 1 John 4:18. It states that "there is no fear in love." Next it says something that reveals the need for us to grow. It says: "perfect love throws fear outside." Think about that for a moment. Fear is necessary in the beginning, but it is not meant to be our guide indefinitely. The time for fear eventually comes to an end.

One of the first things we may learn to fear is height. This is no doubt due to some tragic fall we recall. This is great for keeping us safe as we grow. But what if we were a bird and we fell out of a tree and survived. If we made it back into the nest safely would fear of falling keep us from ever learning to fly? If it did, we would eventually become some other creature's lunch. We can learn much from animals about fear and survival. A mother bird will often push a baby bird out of the nest to prevent it from getting stunted by the fear factor. In the wild, a baby elephant is not held back by stakes and chains. They are raised by a community and forge a strong bond with their mother. Their motivation outside of captivity is a sense of attachment, dare I say love for their fellow elephants.

For those who would accuse God of a cruel captivity scheme we need look no further than the first book of the Bible where it clearly says: "This is why a man will leave his father and his mother, and he must stay with his wife. And the two must become one." This concept indicates a need for growth. We may not be allowed certain activities as children, but as we grow, we discover new pathways. We should not allow the past to hold us back from our true potential. Fear should give way to a much better teacher. That teacher is love. This teacher grows out of the limbic system of our brain as we considered in the previous chapter. Fear is memory based but it is only one aspect of this amazing part of ourselves.

Funny little side point. We mentioned the limbic system of our brain also manages our ability to smell. Maybe this is why animals can smell fear. Ironically there seems to be no mention of smelling love, hate or happiness. Fear seems to give off some pheromone that animals and some humans can detect. I say humans because some humans seem to feed off of fear in others like it is some kind of expensive perfume. If you have ever met someone like this, they will no doubt use phrases in their everyday speech that seems to indicate that they think everyone should live in fear at all times. Avoid toxic people like this. Let me reiterate. Fear may be a teacher. It should not be a jailer. Never let fear hold you back from your true potential.

Love can guide you to avoid harming others selfishly, but fear should never be given the final say in the matter. If this occurs you will never outgrow the traits of a child to mature to the stature of a full-grown person emotionally. Raising our little elephant will require more than training from a couple of experienced adults. It will take multiple influences over the course of many years, as we will see in the next chapter.