raising your little elephant

Chapter Thirteen- Guilt

This is a hot topic. No one wants it. Nearly everyone has experienced it at some point. We can drown in it. Having a long trunk with nostrils would definitely be a good appendage to have if we are struggling with it right now. If we are religiously inclined, we may think it is a tool God uses to humble us. If we are not religious, we might think it is a weapon religion uses to shame us into submission. So, here is the million-dollar question. Does sin equal shame or guilt? If you said yes, you are correct. It is simple math, right? Yes, but it's not one plus one. It's more like 1+1+1=. Guilt can result from a story that reveals a wrong path (pathos). Our choices may have led to a loss in credibility on our part (ethos). Therefore, logic dictates that I now feel bad about the out-come (logos). But now, here is the next question. What do these three add up to? Well, we must answer the: Should I? Okay, now one more. Do I want too? Finally, we have arrived at the answer. Self-hate. No. Wrong. The equal sign should contain words like repent, be sorry, apologize, or my personal favorite phrase: "Course correction."

I absolutely love the concept of course correction. Have you ever known someone who became visibly angry when they discovered that they were wrong about something? We may shy away from these personality types. Are you one of those people? I am recalling a statement made by Tony Robbins a world-renowned personal improvement coach. Of all his lessons, the one that has had the most profound affect on my life was this: "I love it when I am wrong, because it means I'm about to learn something". Throughout my life I have been surrounded by people who hate to be wrong. They hate to be exposed as wrong even more. This may be because their inner elephant is convinced that error equals sin, or worse. What if error equals the need for me to...okay...give me a minute...

C H A N G E!

Change, or course correction equals pain. Pain is bad. Pain must be avoided. This pachyderm-mindset will hold us back from the greatest power our brain is capable of. The ability to learn. A body grows. A mind learns. If you have ever seen a diagram of the human mind you may have also heard the phrase, synaptic pathways. This is our mind's way of making connections. We could make this overly complex, but for the sake of simplicity, did you notice that those neural connections and pathways look very similar to the roots of a plant as it passes through the soil in search of life-giving nourishment and most importantly water? We learn. Plants grow. We grow too. Mentally learning is how we put down our roots.

What do you think a root does in search of water? It keeps going until it finds it. What if a large boulder is blocking its path? It will either course correct or locate a weak spot in the stone and crack it wide open. Do you think the vegetation has an emotional breakdown every time its roots have to change direction? Of course not. Because it is just trying to survive. The need for survival motivates it to move forward or go around the obstacle. As we discussed previously regarding fear; guilt can teach us but it should not cage us. It should also not enrage us. The ability to learn is a precious quality that is often lost on humans.

Now, don't confuse memorization of facts and figures with learning. Learning blind obedience stunts growth. True learning makes connections and understands why it is expected, not just what is expected. Guilt slaps us and wakes us up. However, some people may get slapped and then fixated on the slap and then burrow down into guilt. They begin to drown in sorrow.

Did you know the Bible said long ago that we should be like a tree? It also said in the same chapter that we would be happy if we learned from reading and meditating on what we read. So, when we learn we grow and that will make us happy. Still think the Bible is a waste if time? Anyways, my point is we need to stop letting a teaching tool drive us into depression or rage. We need to welcome reproof. We need to course correct with joy. We need to enjoy learning. Then use what you learn and make a change. Make the connections that will help you to grow. When we start out, we are all babies. As our body develops, we grow physically. If we got chained to a metal stake of guilt or fear in our youth, then we may have stopped developing mentally. If this is the case, we may be physically grown but mentally immature. The Bible mentions that too, but I digress.

It will not be easy to convince our inner little elephant that growth is still possible. Our memories always want us to live in the past. The problem is we can only grow into the future. Learn from the past. Live for the future. How can we do this. Perhaps an old story about a wooden marionette doll holds the key.

One of my favorite childhood stories is Pinocchio. This story has many elements we have explored in previous chapters. However, this story also reveals something that may be blinding us to seeing what is holding us back. In a story we will often try to identify with the main protagonist. That is a little hard to do when we are real people but Pinocchio is wooden. Well, consider a crazy theory with me for a moment. What if we are not as real as we think we are? What if we are merely carved out of a dead tree trunk by a world that loves to make puppets out of people? What if the only thing that seems to grow about us is our ability to lie to ourselves and others about who we really are? What if we have been stunted in our mental development? What if I am still a little boy at heart? What if I think that things will just magically get better?

Unfortunately, I don't have time for such questions because all I wanna do is have fun. My love for pleasure has caused me to be captured with strings attached. Maybe others who I think are real have become inhuman because of their own selfish choices. Maybe, just maybe the truth can set us all free. We are not done exploring this story. In the next chapter we will head into the deep waters that may cause us to doubt we will ever live the real life.