This is me trying

𝑠𝑒𝑎 𝑜𝑓 𝑏𝑙𝑢𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠

With tremored hands,
I write this.
I write this under the choking,
under the grasp of my own hands
around my neck,
I write this under my mind's
obscene religion,
I write this, young love
barren in the desert,
wishing for a forest to come in play
but the magic
has left our home.

Barren, the emptiness sucking
the life out of you, 
the silence lingering around in the clouds
to bring the violence towards you,
wondering that oh, heaven and earth,
will you ever be able to wake up from the catastrophe,
and not get tired of flying so aimlessly,
without a destination at point,
so I clip my wings,
and let myself fall
and let the breeze sail me towards
the northern lights,
but I can feel a slight change by a few degrees,
could make the ship sink
or take me to the northern lights.

Whisper to me cause I need to feel something,
But, not through the warren memories,
not through the wool falling apart from the cardigan,
whisper to me,
sea of blueness,
hold me a tad longer,
whisper to me,
sea of blueness,
whisper to me
sea of blueness,
whisper to me
whisper to—
whisp—
whi—

And as this voice fades away,
I am brought back to reality.
Loneliness befriending me,
I watch the sky above,
could see all the tiny lights flickering towards me,
I wish for someone to hold my hand a tad longer
like the way they did in the dream,
the warmth serenading me.

So, sea of blueness,
ocean of lies,
sky of eternity,
was the dream a reflection
of not who I miss but what
I needed,
to love myself even when I can't?