DEVILS WILL CRY

The Catholic Church Arrives

"Damn... It reeks of hypocrisy in here... Where is everyone?"

As I walked around the Clubhouse searching for the others, I couldn't help but block my nose from the smell. It was an overpowering smell of hypocrisy, almost like the Vatican archives, but weaker

Anyway, I made my way to the main room, and what I found resting on the table was quite probably the best gift I could have ever received, wrapped up in some bandages

"Ooh! This will make a fine addition to my collection!"

I pulled off the bandages, before giving it a few swings and sending it off to wherever my other swords go. Of course, I still have no idea where that is, but it also gives a bit of mystery to the whole thing

Anyway, as I sent it away, I felt a cold, hard object press against my back. As I turned around, I found the source of the smell

"Well if it isn't the Catholic church. And look! No four year olds strapped to your crotches, I must say I'm surprised"

"Look, I can either give you back your sword, or you can keep cutting me up, but I cant do both, because YOU JUST CUT OFF MY ARM!"

As Rias walked into the main room of the clubhouse, she found Y/n and two girls, who were holding him down. Y/n was quite literally disarmed, and the girls were draped in Catholic robes.

"What did he do now?"
"He stole the Excalibur!"
"To be fair, when you leave a sword wrapped up in the middle of an empty room, it shouldn't be surprising when a guy who has a collection of swords takes it"
"Y/n, give the Excalibur back"
"Fiiine! Can you pass me my arm back?"

Rias kicked his arms over to him, which then reattached themselves to his bloody stubs. He then got up, snatched the other Excalibur, then jumped out the window

Roughly half an hour later, Y/n was dragged back into the clubhouse as he moaned about not having any Excaliburs in his collection, and that he didn't get any during his trip to the Vatican

However, the girls didn't listen to him, and instead took the Excaliburs back by force and left him with one arm and no legs, before agreeing that that was all he could be trusted with

"I may have fucked this up. But hey, at least I'm not known for pedophilia"
"You may have a point, but ya still didn't get those swords"
"Yeah... I'm definitely gonna get those back"
"Hey, what'd you do with that money from that job?"
"The biker demon? Oh I needed parts"
"Parts?"
"Yeah, for the Rook"
"You spent a million on train parts?"
"Do I look like an idiot? No I didn't spend a million on the train. I also bought a new TV, and something that's been on my Christmas list for a long time now"
"What's that?"
"Well, two things. But you'll see them later"
"Setting it up for a later chapter?"
"Bingo, my feathered friend"

"What happened to you?"
"The Jesus fandom. You going in looking for a fight?"
"Yes"
"Cool. Pass me my legs, I wanna fight too"

The blonde boy passed the demon his legs, and his arm, which were lying in a pile at the opposite end of the hallway. The demon put himself back together, and entered the main room while Kiba waited outside

"Didn't God make the sacred gear system, pedos?"

As he entered the room, the others looked towards him, mainly the church girls, who were in the middle of bullying Asia

"He did, yes" Xenovia answered as Rias facepalmed in the background, wondering who was stupid enough to give his limbs back
"Meaning, by that logic, he created the Twilight healing my cute little girlfriend uses?"
"Yeah that's right"
"And so he created the power to heal all creatures, and yet you call her a witch for using it?"
"Well she healed a devil, thats the worst thing anyone can do!"
"That's a bit racist. Ahem, 'Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides' that's one of the quotes from your bibble isn't it?"
"It is. I'm surprised a devil like you can even speak god's name"
"I'm a demon sweetie, if you're gonna insult me, do it right. Anyway, that quote literally says to use god's gifts to help everyone, it doesn't say except the devils or the demons or fallen, does it?"
"No..."
"Then we can all agree that you must be shitty Catholics if a demon preaches better than you. Now, if you're done being little bitches, go find the rest of the Excaliburs so I can steal them again"