Hamilton / Lams Oneshots

Medicine (Lams) [College AU]

Alternate title: Match romanticizes feeling like shit and wants cuddles

I felt nauseous, my head was pounding and I felt almost fevery. Too often did this state set in, so often that I had learned to act completely normal. I was staring at my laptop, the clock in the bottom corner showed it was almost eight in the morning, yet another night spent doing the work that would determine the rest of my life for no apparent reason. Despite how nauseous I was, I got up and walked to my room. Luckily, my dormmate slept over at our friend Laf's house most of the time, and so he rarely saw me in this state.

I looked into the mirror. My hair was an unbrushed, oily mess, and my shirt had two coffee stains on it. With a sigh, I went about showering and getting ready for a new day 
I liked the way my skin felt after showering. It was dry to the touch, and very warm, and even though it was the opposite of healthy I took comfort in rubbing my skin until it was red. I put on jeans and a white button down before pulling my school's dark blue sweater over. I had around half an hour before class, and so I put my laptop into my bag, along with a few other materials, before heading out.

My plan was to stop at the café ten minutes away from the dorms, in order to get myself lunch and another coffee. The sky was a dark grey, a sign for the impending storm, though I didn't pay it any mind. I felt almost numb, my head having gone from a painful and sharp pounding to dull thumping, like you would hear outside of a disco. I held my messenger bag tightly, walking along the street, wishing that I had spent less time of the night staring at my work and more time actually doing my work. But my mind was too foggy for me to care.

I arrived at the café, one of my friends, Hercules, was standing behind the counter. He had been assistant here for a while, to earn some extra cash, he said. His family didn't have the money like mine did, and so he took any jobs he could. I almost envied him for that, my father kept me from being independent by supplying me with everything I needed and telling me to focus on school instead of a job. Perhaps he was right, I was already burning out enough as it was, a job wouldn't have solved that.

"A sandwich and a black coffee please", I said as I got to the front of the line. Hercules looked up surprised at my voice, then his look changed to worry. I felt myself tense. "Laurens, I haven't seen you in a while. Are you okay?" Forcing myself to smile, I nodded. "Just fine." He gave me another worried look. "You don't look like it... when's your class?", he asked. I answered truthfully. "In about 20 minutes." "Then why don't you sit down, okay? I'll start my break early so we can talk."

I wished nothing more but to leave right then and there, but I knew that there was no use in that. I walked to the farthest corner of the room, and sat down at one of the small tables, waiting for Hercules to finish up with his customers. My phone pinged, and I pulled it from my pocket. Someone had written in our friendgroup's chat, most likely a meme, I didn't bother to check. When I looked back up, Hercules was standing at the table. He set down a cup of coffee and a sandwich in front of me, then sat down. "Now, John. What have you been up to lately? I haven't seen you in almost a week."

"What's this, some kind of interrogation...?" I took a sip of my coffee, the bitterness cleared my senses a slight bit. "I'm worried about you. You look tired." Maybe I could make up an excuse, some white lie so that he would leave me alone. "I am tired, I stayed up pretty late last night finishing assignments." He sighed, and when I went to take another sip of coffee he grabbed my hand. "Only last night? Be honest." I hesitated, unsure if I should lie to him. He could probably tell that what I said was wrong, but if I told him the truth he'd make me sleep without negotiation.

"Only last night, I promise." He shook his head, disappointed. "That's not the truth, is it?", he asked, and I shrugged. My vision became a bit fuzzy, and I had to close my eyes for a few seconds. When I looked back up, Herc was staring at me, even more worried. "John, you're going to tell me exactly how much you slept and ate the past week." Well, there was no use in lying any longer, right? I kept my gaze on the table, struggling to collect my words. "I don't know... maybe 4 hours or so...? I had dinner..."

My vision went fuzzy again, I tried to keep my balance, and seconds later I felt Hercules by my side, wrapping his arms around me to keep me steady. "I'll get you back to your dorm, and then you'll rest, got it?", he said. It sounded a bit like he was further away, and I didn't end up responding as he pulled me to my feet. I stumbled behind him, feeling distant from what was happening around me. He called something to his coworker and then led me through the back door to his car.

I didn't remember anything past that point, and when I woke up I was in my bed, in my dorm. My dormmate Alex was sitting at the edge of the bed, and when I moved his gaze snapped up to meet mine. "Jack, you're awake! What happened? Hercules called me while the two of you were on your way here, he said you were barely conscious..." It took me a good second to figure out if it was anger or worry that was laced in his voice. Most likely it was a mixture of both, either way it gave me a pang in my chest.

"I'm sorry..." He didn't seem to have expected that, because he just stared at me. Then his gaze went soft, and he scooted closer to me. "Look at you, Jack... you're tired, you're vulnerable... nobody deserves to ruin themself like this, so why should you be any different?" I could feel my heartbeat hard against my chest as he reached up to brush a stray strand of hair from my face. I didn't know why I did what I did, I always felt like working as hard as I could would clear my subconscious from any guilt I might feel, which ultimately made me bury myself in it.

Alex cupped my cheek, his hand felt cool and comforting against my skin. He frowned, and used his other hand to carefully press against my forehead. "You have a fever. Jack, why punish yourself like this?" Punish myself... I suppose that was accurate. I was chasing the unhealthy goal of working until I was broken, and for what? Why couldn't I take my privileges and be content with them? I always felt the need to be the worst out of the bunch, to be at the lowest point I had ever been. Maybe I just wanted pity.

My thoughts didn't give me time to answer, as Alex stood up and quickly left the room. I was left alone, and so I dropped back down into the pillow. Classes had long stared, but I knew there was no way of getting away from Alex's and Herc's guard. Alex came back quickly, he was balancing several blankets, medicine bottles and a steaming cup in his arms. I was about to get up to help him, but he was already at my side, dumping the blankets into my lap before setting down the medicine bottles and cup on the nightstand.

"Lex, y-" I couldn't even get out a sentence before he raised his hand, telling me to be quiet. I complied without thinking, and stayed silent as I watched him fumble with the cap of one of the bottles. He got it open afer a few seconds, and shook two small tablets into his hand. "I can't take that...", I muttered, feeling my face heat up from embarrassment. Last time I had tried to swallow pills, I ended up over the toilet puking my guts out, when I was still younger. Alex looked at me a bit surprised, then smiled. "I know, don't worry about that", he said, and his voice had this soft, caring tone that made me feel safe. Maybe it was just my clouded mind playing tricks on me.

I watched as he let the tablets fall into the cup, which I now saw was filled with tea. "I put a bit of honey into the tea for you, it covers the task of the medicine", he told me, and I could do nothing more but nod. It seemed that I was too weak to speak, or too tired, because any word that I might've said stuck in my throat. Alex carefully picked up the mug and raised it to my mouth, I tried taking it from him but my hands shook too much.

"Jack, please, it's okay", he chuckled, and I flushed in embarrassment as I let my arms drop back down and he helped me drink the contents of the mug. Whenever I met his gaze, he smiled at me, and my heart made a little jump in excitement of how close he was. I was almost disappointed when he backed away. "There you go. Thank you for drinking it." Alex set down the mug and closed up the medicine. "Lex...?", I whispered. "Hm?" "What's that medicine for?"

He chuckled softly. "It's so you sleep. Sorry Jacky." I frowned, I didn't want to go to sleep, I needed to work. He put his hand on my chest, trying to get me to lie down, but I shook my head. "I don't want to sleep." I must've been ridiculously helpless to him, because he gave my chest a soft push and I toppled over into the pillow. Alex quickly put several blankets over me, and tucked me in tightly. At the same time, the medicine was staring to take effect on me, and I could no longer keep my eyes open. Drifting off into sleep, I heard Alex whisper a goodnight to me, then kiss my forehead.