"I was sick of letting the world run me so I decided to run the world."
~~~
Isabelle Cane was taken from her family at 6 months old, leaving behind 7 older brothers and a twin sister. In the 12 years she's been away, Izzy has faced hardships no chi...
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Sometimes it feels good to break. Sometimes It feels good to finally snap and let down all forms of defense. Because after that, it's over. After you've broken the threat dissolves and you feel relief.
Sometimes it feels good to break. But this was not one of those times. This time was a simple wearing down of the soul. No breaking. No relief. Just pain. Like someone pulling a rug from under my feet. I was losing my balance and falling too quickly for me to catch myself.
I had calmed down shortly after my breakdown began. Nolan had been very patient with me. I had apologized quite a few times on the way home for making him see me like that, but he assured me there was nothing to be sorry for. And I almost believed him. I had so much to be sorry about. I wasn't even sure what I was apologizing for. But I was sure I needed to.
As we drove, and when we got back to the house, I did my best not to think.
About anything. About anyone.
I needed to shut my mind off. And I had no idea how to do that. Nolan had turned on the radio when the car filled with silence, but as soon as I heard the first notes of Casey Jones, I shut it off. I couldn't think of Marley anymore today. I couldn't think anymore today.
No one was home when we got there. I didn't know where they were. I didn't care either.
"I'm gonna go do some homework," I mumbled absently to Nolan.
He shook his head and put a hand on my shoulder. "You need to eat a snack first. I was given strict instructions by Liam to make sure you ate something."
I looked up at him with tired eyes. "I need to be alone right now if that's alright with you." I needed to curl into a ball and hide for the rest of my life. I needed to pretend I was anywhere but here. I needed to disappear.
Nolan frowned and his features softened slightly. "Izzy, what's going on? Why were you so upset?"
I shook my head. Why could no one in this family let me suffer in silence? Why did they always have to know everything?
"It's nothing," It was everything. "I'm okay," I was far from okay. "Just a little stressed and overwhelmed." I feel like I'm drowning in my thoughts and emotions.
Nolan sighed and nodded. "How about I send you upstairs with something to eat. Crackers sound okay?"
I sighed in relief and gave a curt nod. Even the sight of food made me want to hurl. I wouldn't be able to stomach food right now. But I was in no mood to argue. So, I took the bowl of crackers with a small thank you and didn't waste time scurrying upstairs. I walked into the room slowly, and as soon as I was fully inside, I slid down the cold wood of the door and hugged a nearby pillow to my chest. I buried my face in it, trying to muffle the body wracking sobs that quickly rose to the top of my lungs.
