"I was sick of letting the world run me so I decided to run the world."
~~~
Isabelle Cane was taken from her family at 6 months old, leaving behind 7 older brothers and a twin sister. In the 12 years she's been away, Izzy has faced hardships no chi...
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The preservation of words is yet another of the essential lessons Marley taught me. She always said that as humans, it was our nature to waste words simply for the act of filling silence. In her opinion, which became my own, silence was a luxury we should appreciate. Marley always said that just because we were humans, didn't mean we needed to become slaves to human nature. She always beat to her own drum. Did as she pleased, her only concern being herself and those she loved. Me, and Brayden being those. She always said people talked too much, and right now was a perfect example of that.
Tyler was forcing small talk as I ate the muffin, trying desperately to fill the silence that surrounded us. We were sitting on the hotel porch, me lost in the view of Brinley, and Tyler lost in his own nervous stuttering. I didn't take him for a nervous person, but I assume it had something to do with discomfort, or perhaps guilt. He had taken me out here only a few moments ago, Logan having gone to look for Finley.
Tyler told me they already knew what happened between us. I was glad for that. At least I wouldn't have to scavenge for words I didn't have. He is so angry, so hurt when he left. It killed me that I caused him that hurt and that anger. I kept telling myself it wasn't my fault, but still, my heart ached when I thought of Finley. It was stupid to think he would understand. He didn't and I couldn't expect him to. It was so easy for me to understand my own thoughts, that I could forget how complex and odd it would seem to someone else. I understood why I couldn't talk about it. Finley, by no fault of his own, could not.
"Are there any friends you'd like to visit during our time here?"
Despite my disinterred hums and the clear dissociation I knew blanketed my features, Tyler's pointless attempts at small talk continued. In fear he would think I was rude, I continued to humour him, answering his questions. I really just wanted to sit in silence.
I thought of the silence me and Brayden shared yesterday. Silence like that always tasted like honey and broken glass. Sweet and exceedingly painful. It was the kind of silence you could never intentionally create. It was a matter of circumstance, for better or worse.
If Tyler and I were to sit in silence right now, it would taste like a cool breeze. Refreshing. My mind, which in my recollection had never slowed to any degree, needed a moment's break. I seemed to always be in a state of overwhelm, my entire life. Just once, for just a moment I would like my silence to be silent. I would like my brain to agree with that philosophy and allow me some peace. Unfortunately, that is not how things work. Not for me.
"No." I answered his question. The wicker chair I sat in pinched the skin on the back of my thigh, but I didn't move. The pain was like a reminder of my physical presence. I seemed to need a lot of those recently. My chin rested against my left knee, which in its instinctual position, pushed against my chest protecting what was left of my heart. The muffin, this one moister and more edible than the day before, sat on a glass table, pieced of the sugared top having been picked off and eaten. It was better than nothing in my opinion, but I could already see the wary looks Tyler was casting to the picked at bake good.
