"I was sick of letting the world run me so I decided to run the world."
~~~
Isabelle Cane was taken from her family at 6 months old, leaving behind 7 older brothers and a twin sister. In the 12 years she's been away, Izzy has faced hardships no chi...
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I tried a lot of ways to get attention as a kid. I tried being an angel, doing everything right, trying to make Mom proud. That didn't work. She only cared about what I did wrong. So I decided that I would give her plenty of wrongs to look for. The rebellion didn't work either. Then I was just her problem child. And after both good and bad failed, I was forced to settle for what I am now. A shadow. I became nothing to survive, and now, I didn't know how to be anything else. Sometimes, I try to pretend that I'm not.
In my world, I am something. I am someone. I am not a shadow. I've been spending a lot of time in that world recently. Closed eyes, wandering mind. It's not the same as floating. It's denser, and more real than when I float. But still, my world is a place I've come to enjoy losing myself in. That's where I was the next day, staring at the blue sky as the sun began to set, lost in my world where I am nothing.
I didn't notice Logan joining me outside, or lay next to me on the grass. I didn't notice he was there until his hand waved in front of my eyes, making me snap back to reality, long before I wished I had to. I turned to see his smile, wide and gleaming, as he looked at me. He was my best friend. We'd gotten so close over the last two months. We were practically inseparable until he moved out. And when he did, my heart shattered, just a little more. I would never tell Logan that. He was so happy living with Teo, and who was I to disrupt that? I had seen the comfort and joy being so close to Teo brought him.
Logan had told me Teo was the love of his life. He'd cried that day, the second one I was in the hospital. He cried softly as he wrote in shaky handwriting that he thought he would die if he lost me or Teo. I had never seen someone cry over me. I wasn't sure it was right of me to feel good about it. To feel good about being cared for so deeply by someone else. It was new, aside from Marley, and it was the sweetest feeling I've had in a long time.
"Hi Belle," He signed to me.
"Hi Logan," He, of course, had been the very first of my siblings to master sign, simply because he wanted to be able to talk to me again.
"How are you feeling?" That was the first sign we all learned, and my brothers certainly used it often. I think it should bother me more than it does that they have developed this overbearing sense of protection for me, but it didn't. As someone who's never had anyone truly cares about my existence, the thought of someone caring almost to a suffocating extent was rather lovely.
"Fine," I answered predictably. "A little tired." That was an understatement. I was exhausted. I hadn't slept at all last night. I tried, but every time I shut my eyes, my mind was flooded with thoughts and worries that were so invasive and demanding, it was worth the exhaustion just to avoid them. That was a common theme recently. Lack of sleep, and intrusive thoughts. I initially blamed my head injury for my inability to get to sleep, but I was slowly realizing it wasn't my physical health getting in the way.
"You look like it," Logan's smile faded a little bit, as his eyes caught sight of the purple bags that I knew were clear as day from what I had seen in the mirror this morning. I found myself being grateful that I didn't have a school with Liam today. He came to my room earlier and offered to help me with the work from yesterday, but I turned him down quickly. I had spent most of the day on my own. I prefer being on my own. Easier that way. Simpler that way.
