The World That Was Mine (Part I & II)

XIII

I wasn't always this complacent. There was a time when I was drowning for people who wouldn't get in the water for me. I was working so hard to make everyone else happy that I barely recognized my struggle was in vain. And eventually I got tired. Eventually there was no more effort in me to stay afloat. Eventually I was numb. Oh what I would give to still be numb. The burning anger and sadness was paralysing. I hated feeling like this. I hated feeling at all. Today had been trying if nothing else. I was drained of emotional stamina. I had no effort to confront Emma about her role in my earlier embarrassment despite the spark of anger that still flicked everytime I looked at her.

Maybe family meant more to me because of my previous situation. Maybe she just had no appreciation for the fact that I was her only sister. Her twin. Supposed to be her other half. I felt like the adoration of this heartfelt family dynamic made it harder for me to accept that she had been so mean. It wasn't the insults that hurt. I was used to petty quips made by people who considered themselves better than me. It was that she didn't stand up for me. She let it happen. One thing I have learned about Emma was that she was a people pleaser. She did things that showed her sole desire to be liked by everyone. It didn't surprise me that she laughed. It was disappointing but not anything I couldn't predict.

"Belle, everything okay?" Logan asked, poking my side. I squirmed slightly and nodded. He had been sitting with me, saying that he was bored and lonely. I knew he saw my own need for company but didn't comment and allowed him to be with me. I had found myself gravitating towards him over the last week. He was childish and goofy, but also very kind and intuitive. It had stormed again on Wednesday, and he had come to get me with a complaint of being lonely. I knew it was an act of kindness and he was doing it for my benefit, but I went with it and enjoyed watching Inside Out. I liked the small moments I had shared with my brothers over this last week.

"You think so much kid, how does your baby brain handle it all?" He chuckled, but there was an element of concern behind his smile. He put his hands on either side of my head and gently moved it around, getting a half hearted laugh from me. "No but really, what are you thinking about? I've been trying to get your attention for like five minutes."

I shrugged. "Got a lot to think about."

He smiled softly and tucked a strand of loose hair away from my face. "Oh to know what goes on in there." He sighed, more to himself than to me. "Anyway, I was trying to tell you that Tyler wants you in the kitchen. Something about a phone call or something like that."

My eyebrows knitted together in confusion, but I stood up and walked into the kitchen. Tyler was sitting at the table, nodding along to something that was being said by the person on the other end of the line.

"Uh huh. Yup. She's right here. Alright, here you go." He said. He smiled at me quickly and nodded at the seat beside him which I took without hesitation. Tyler was another one of the boys I had deemed a supposed 'favorite' of mine. He was kind, and I trusted him the most. I had a certain degree of trust in all of them, but Tyler had earned it as well as my respect. He was a natural leader, and cared for each one of us the way I think a father would. Tyler pulled the phone away from his ear, and held it to his chest to block out sound.