The World That Was Mine (Part I & II)

III

I took a deep breath, pushing myself to stand on shaky legs. Leaning against the sink I caught sight of myself in the mirror. Messy chestnut brown hair, hung in loose curls around my heart shaped face, half currently held back by a plain black hair tie. Dull green eyes, filled with weariness and grief sat on either side of my small freckled nose. Sunken in cheeks, pale skin with a faint honey color covered my body. I wasn't pretty.

No, I was average. Not pretty not ugly. Marley used to tell me beauty was on the inside, but as far as I could see, beauty was measured by other people. You did not get to decided how beautiful the world thought you were no matter how lovely your spirit or soul was.

Wiping away the last of my tears, I pushed off the ledge of the sink taking a steadying breath. I could do this. I would keep my composure, not let them see my tears or hear my pain. I would deal with it all on my own, one way or another. I would be okay. For myself, for Marley, I would be okay. Eventually, I had to be. I stepped out of the bathroom, heading back towards the office I had previously run out of. A few people gave me odd looks, likely having seen me in my previous panic. Panic was usual for me. A familiar feeling I wished I didn't know so very well. 

The officer and Tyler were sitting there and when they heard the door open, both men turned to me with worried expressions. "Sorry." I muttered a blush creeping up on my face. 

"No need to be sorry Isabelle. Are you ready to go?" Tyler asked with bleak facial expression. Forcing a smile can get tiring when you're not happy. I nodded and grabbed the backpack I had left by the seat. 

"Thank you." I said to the officer who shook his head with a small smile. 

"Just doing my job kid. Hope everything works out for you."

I did too. But that is still to be determined. Not wishing to voice my worries, I settled for giving him a faint smile, before turning and following my new guardian. "Is there anything else you like to be called besides Isabelle?" Tyler asked, holding the door open for me. 

"Um you can call me anything you want, but my friends call me Izzy." Or at least they did when I still had any.

"Izzy it is then." Tyler still held that fondness in his eyes, like he had been waiting for me all this time. Perhaps he had. I didn't know how old Tyler was but he seemed mature beyond his age. When I looked in his eyes, there was an all too familiar, weariness. Like he also had carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. I imagine losing both your father and your mother, as well as your little sister weighs on a soul. I know from personal experience, how much it can hurt to lose someone.

Tyler led me to a sleek black car, opening the passenger side door for me which I appreciated and accepted the gesture with a quiet mumble of gratitude. "No need to thank me Izzy. It's what big brothers are for." It was odd to hear someone refer to themselves as my big brother but I supposed it was something I would have to grow accustomed to, weird as it may be.

"We will be taking a plane to Maryland so we have to get moving." Tyler explained starting the car. I sighed quietly and nodded.

This was real. I was really leaving Brinley behind, after all these years of calling it home. I was leaving my mother here. I was leaving Marley here. I was leaving my life here. And somehow it didn't feel wrong as I imagined it would. No, instead it felt relieving, like I was finally free of what they  told me I was.

I was free from the words they wrote on my locker.

THE WORLD THAT WAS MINE

I've never cared what others think of me. Stares and jeers have never stopped me in my tracks. It's not that I think I'm better than anyone, it's simply that after all this time of wallowing in self pity, eventually I had grown tired of that and decided my best defense against people was to not care anymore. But that didn't always work.

Walking through the airport, many women's eyes locked seductively on Tyler and then on me in more of a confused and sometimes even disgusted way. My natural instinct was to look down, not acknowledge them, but that strategy worked better on 12 year old girls, than on grown women.

They seemed to be insistent of trying to figure out who I was to the tall man next to me. Like I was a piece of a puzzle they couldn't quite place. One woman in particular, who stood behind us in the security line glared at me as if I had kicked her puppy. I didn't say anything, but kept glancing around to see if it was me she had her stone gaze set on. And given her eyes were burning metaphorical holes into me, it wasn't difficult to find my answer.

Tyler looked down at me, with a questioning look. "Everything alright Izzy?" He asked following my gaze that was once again set on the sour faced woman. 

"Y-yeah, I'm fine." I murmured, looking towards the front of the line. Tyler's face set into a scowl when he saw the woman still giving me a dirty look. 

"Is there a problem?" He growled, causing her to snap her eyes to him and put a surprised hand to her chest.

"Um no, is something the matter?" She batted her eyelashes in a way I imagined was supposed to be seductive but really just looked like a bad impression of a cartoon character. Barbie perhaps. 

"Well something must be wrong for you to be glaring at my 12 year old sister like she is the dirt under your shoe." Tyler spat. Barbie gasped slightly and looked as if she was going to retaliate but against my brothers accusations, but I suppose she decided against it, instead rolling her eyes and sighing loudly to show her annoyance. "You okay?" Tyler asked softly, turning his attention back to me.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." I assured him quickly. 

"Okay, well let me know if you need anything." He offered. I nodded forcing a smile, and continued to look ahead to the front of the line. After security, we were ushered onto the plane, where Tyler led me to a row of 3 seats. He took the one by the window, and I took the middle seat, leaving an empty one on the end. Amazingly, the person assigned to the end seat beside me, was Barbie who had an even more sour look on her face than before. Maybe she swallowed a lemon before coming here.

Tyler noticed her presence and glared daggers at the woman. "Izzy, switch seats with me." He said not looking away from her. I blushed fiercely, embarrassed that he was making a big deal about this. 

"Tyler it's fine." I mumbled, giving him a look that I hoped conveyed my desire for him to leave it alone.

Tyler locked his eyes on me. "Izzy, move." He said coldly. 

I shook my head. "It's fine." I insisted wishing he would just sit down and let this be over. 

"Isabelle, switch seats with me now." My eyes widened at the angry tone he used and I immediately jumped to action, taking the window seat, so that he was a barrier between me and Barbie.

This was a side to Tyler I hadn't yet seen. He had an air of authority when I met him earlier, but I hadn't expected him to be so protective that he wouldn't allow me to sit beside a prickly woman. I bit my lip losing myself to thought once again. I wanted to get lost in my kingdom. I wanted to be the ruler again. I wanted to run the world again.

In the real world, ghosts like me often let things like nasty women glaring at me go unpunished and often unacknowledged,we let them happen in fear of what speaking up may cause. But in my mind, I stood up to her. I told her off for being rude to me for no reason. I didn't allow her to walk all over me.

But that wasn't real. I didn't do any of those things. Like the good little shadow I am, I put my head down and allowed her to do as she pleased. The world is full of people like that angry Barbie doll. Ones who do what they want with no repercussions. And it's also full of people like me who allow them to do whatever they want. Never voicing the thoughts that cross our minds.

The world is full of expectations for both types of people.

And we just fall into place.