"I was sick of letting the world run me so I decided to run the world."
~~~
Isabelle Cane was taken from her family at 6 months old, leaving behind 7 older brothers and a twin sister. In the 12 years she's been away, Izzy has faced hardships no chi...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
My world is silence. The deep, sweet sort of silence that sinks into your soul and makes you feel heavy as led in the best way. The sort of cannot be helped, but you never quite mind. Silence that makes you feel so small and so safe in this world. The kind of silence that allows a person to bleed like ink into the background of the painting.
That is my silence. The kind I craved for so long, and the kind I found in a twisted way. They don't understand my silence. Anyone. They can't comprehend why I would choose to be nothing. I am nothing. I try my best everyday to be nothing. To be empty, to be light. I try to not let the heavy feeling weigh me down. I try to float away. I float away so often these days. Away from everything, including myself.
It feels nice to float away now. I don't fear it like I used to. They do. The rest of them fear when I float away. Eyes drowning in worry, lips asking questions. It's always the same. Never do I float away for long like I would like. Floating feels nice. Empty feels nice. Silence feels nice. But nothing nice ever lasts, for a person like me.
She tapped my leg. I tried to ignore her. She tapped again, waving her hand on my face. I looked up at the woman sitting across the room from me. She smiled at the eye contact and pointed to her ear. I knew what she was asking me for, but I didn't want to end my silence yet. I shook my head, and she frowned, grabbing her note book from beside her.
"Why don't you want to wear your hearing aid?" She wrote in black pen.
I had only gotten them a few weeks ago, at the start of December, and I wasn't used to them yet. They made my head hurt, and my ears ring. The doctor said that would happen, but I still didn't like it. Tyler kept saying I had to give it some time to get used to them. He doesn't understand. It's about more than just the physical discomfort that wearing the hearing aids brought. I had come to enjoy the silence of my world over the last two months, and to give that up, would mean I may have to give up other things.
"You don't know?" Daphne pressed. I shook my head at the therapist. I saw her chest rise and fall with a sigh, but she didn't write anything else down.
"How are you feeling?" She signed to me. I'd started learning while I was in the hospital. I was almost fluent by now. I practiced everyday. It was a good distraction from everything else in my life. A good way to occupy my blazing mine.
"Fine," I signed back. "Tired. But fine." She nodded, and I saw her suck in a breath. I've gotten good at noticing things like that. I've learned how to read people in the last 2 months. Their physical language, and their emotions. Teo taught me some stuff about that too. He learned sign language for me while he was also in the hospital. He did a lot of things for me while I was in the hospital.
"How are things at home? Still tense?"
I thought for a moment. Home was a story I'd rather not talk about. I rather not think about either, but only one of those can be helped. "Fine," I signed again. "Everyone's fine."
