Wondering & Freedom

I Look to the Future for the Pain to Stop

***WARNING*** Talks about suicide and depression.

I did not choose

I was just given many clues

So still I treaded on

Not knowing where I'm going

Only knowing where I've been

The thoughts of the past are what keep me going

Running from the mistakes

Running from the pain

I'm letting it go but still, it comes back

So still I tread on

Knowing that if I stop I'll give in

Giving in is not an option

Not right now

Maybe in the future

But for now, I have to keep running

I can't stop and look back

I can't stop and remember all of my mistakes

I can't feel all of that pain again

I want to give up

I want to stop running

But I can't

They've put something in me

Something that won't let me stop

It won't let me give up

No matter how far or how fast

It comes to bite me in the ass

I am not giving into the past

But rather to the future

At least in the future, the pain will stop

The mistakes will be forgotten

The chemical will be long gone

But so will I

Someday I will stop running

Someday time will stop

I look to the future for that day

The past won't end my pain

But the future will.

So I know that this one is kind of dark. Just remember that I wrote these in different time periods in my life. I'm always here if you guys need me. Remember no matter what you are loved.

Alyssa