Wondering & Freedom

How Do I Repay You For the Time You Gave Me?

***WARNING*****Talks about suicide and depression. ***WARNING****

How can I repay you?

You shined a light

Whenever all I wanted to do is stay in the dark

You wouldn't let me drown

When all I wanted was to stop breathing

You've picked me up

When I've fallen and not wanted to stand

Every time I thought you were just there for sympathy

I made a cut

It may have never bleed

Or scarred skin

But not all cuts we can see

You tried to show me how to be kind

How to have a smile on my face all the time

I realize now that I did just that

But only to hide the true fact

The fact that I was giving in knowing I couldn't let you see

I knew you would pull me out

But all I wanted to do was dive deeper

I thought it ended but only realized I became used to it

The thoughts in my mind telling me to die

Telling me to cut deeper

Telling me to step out in front of that car

I can never repay you for how many times you pulled me out of that dark space

I know that you tried your hardest

I just want you to know that it's not your fault

No one could have convinced me to stay

I looked around and saw love but only realizing that I didn't feel it

There is a difference between seeing the love and feeling it for another person

I realized that I was incapable of loving

An abomination that was there to destroy

There was nothing you could have done to fix me

I may not have been able to love

But I know that I couldn't have survived as long as I did without you

I'll remember you forever and ever

All I ask is that you remember that I'm with you...

I'm with you...

Hi guys! I actually just finished writing this one a couple of hours ago. I just want anyone to know that needs to hear it that you are loved and it will get better. I have a favorite quote, "It's okay to be a glowstick, sometimes we have to break before we can shine." It's okay to feel broken I promise that in time it will pass. Just know that you are always loved even when you don't feel like it. I love you guys!! Thank you for letting me share my poems with you.

Alyssa