toska - sapnotfound

now

the cemetery had once been a familiar place to him, almost like a safe space. he could never feel at peace anywhere else; not at work, not in the backyard garden, not even in the flower field that he had frequently visited ever since his childhood.

at night in bed, haunting memories plagued his fragile conscience. even if those memories were good ones, of happy times, they messed with his tormented mind. they would never leave him alone.

but inside of the medieval stone walls, built by hand though steadier than most of the town's modern structures, he could finally feel safe. nowhere was as tranquil as that grassy spot that laid past the bins, then straight ahead on the gravel path, a left turn after the mausoleum, and a few more steps forward, to the right.

that's where he would sit for sometimes hours on end, crying and wallowing in lost memories. mourning his dead lover, whose presence in the world had been reduced to only a cold, granite gravestone.

george's resting place was hardly difficult to miss, with its many colorful flowers sprouting up from the ground. a lot of the other graves had flowers too, but not nearly as many as george's. lillies, orchids, tulips, forget me nots, everything that you could think of. at one point, they'd all been growing there, under the sun's nourishing rays.

but as he approaches the piece of rock once more, only brown dirt serves as its decor. no flower has grown here for a long time, except for the occasional unwanted dandelion. the grave blends in with all the others, all the other forgotten ones that no one had time to care for.

yet he could never forget george.

"hey," he starts, clearing his hoarse throat, "it's been so long."

"god, this feels weird."

"reminds me of worse times."

he scoffs, playing with the ring on his finger.

"yesterday, oh, you should've seen it.."

"i got married. i finally did. i did it, george!"

"i got married to the man i've loved for so long."

"it was... how do i even describe it?"

he blinks away the tears. tears of joy.

"it was.. magical. the best day of my life."

"i wish you could've been there, you would've torn up."

"but at least i hope you got to watch it from heaven."

"i know you're over the moon now, i just know it!"

he laughs, basking in his unstoppable elation.

"i know that you're so happy for me."

a thorn pricks his finger when he loses focus, and he swears under his breath before laughing that off too.

"i almost gave up. i almost didn't make it out. but fucking hell, was it worth it."

"everything worked out in the end. just like i promised."

the perfectly white cloth becomes stained with grey dust as he wipes the granite. the inscriptions shine brighter again, glitter in the warming sunlight. somewhere deep inside his heart he feels bad. he feels terrible for letting it become dusty like that, for neglecting its surroundings. but his mind knows that it was for the best.

"clay takes such good care of me. i still have bad days sometimes, but they're becoming fewer and fewer. he knows just how to cheer me up, get me distracted."

"i'm so thankful for him. he's like an angel, but the kind that's still on earth, you know?"

"i owe him a shit ton, honestly."

he stays quiet for minutes, old images of his first love flooding his brain. how they met in the cafeteria, became best friends, and eventually high school sweethearts. how they shared their first kiss in a dirty bathroom stall, how they danced together in the rain that one night, how they slowly fell head over heels for each other.

"georgie.." he whispers, "i'm in love again, but i'll never forget you, okay?"

"i-i'll never forget your smile, your giggle, your chocolate eyes."

he leans forward, reaching his hand out to place the singular rose in the dirt. his fingers release their grip around its stem carefully, eventually letting it fall. he chose the most vibrant red rose there was, the most beautiful one.

"i swear."

taking a deep breath, he gets up off his knees again.

"i'll love you forever."

as he steps back a little, protecting arms wrap around his waist from behind. a warm body presses up against his own, soft lips lovingly kissing the back of his neck. his husband's light humming calms him down.

"you're so brave, honey."

the end <3