The things we lost in the rain

words

Chapter 7: Hold me, that's all I ask from you.

8 MONTHS AGO

"That was your mother"
I never thought I would hear Michael say those words.
Me" Why is my mother calling you?"
Michael" She was saying she tried calling you"
Me" My phone is right next to me, it's on, so that's a lie"
Michael" I don't know Billy but she says they tried calling you and it went straight to voicemail"
Me" Bullshit"
" What does she want?"
Michael" They don't have bread"
I started laughing because that's a fucken lie. They demanded 900 thousand for Lobola, no that's not a mistake because Michael took my virginity that made me even more expensive. He refused to pay that and I also told them they are evil, then told my uncle my father's little brother about the entire thing. He negotiated and they settled on 50 thousand, Michael and I went to Home Affairs to get married. Them had a second ceremony at the parking lot where we met, they didn't come to the actual wedding they went to the dinner at the house. Where they embarrassed the shit out of me, they were messy but my husband and I decided to rise above that. I send money every month then I buy groceries, Namhla also works and so does my father. I didn't stop taking care of them, I still give them money. So this is very upsetting.
Me" That's crap!"
Michael" It's fine, we can just take your parents grocery shopping and give them some money"
Me" I did that two weeks ago! We are not giving my parents money"
Michael" They don't have bread"
Me" Do you honestly think I'd let my parents starve?"
Michael" Be the bigger person"
Me" Not with this"
" They are taking advantage of you. And I will not allow that"
Michael" I can afford it"
Me" It's not even about money, it's about boundaries",
" This is embarrassing! And you don't see that. This is wrong, what they are doing is wrong"
Michael" Billy"
" Let's just go, we will buy these things and give them money. We are going to Cape town in two days, we will relax on the beach and forget about everything"
Me" Block my mother's phone number"
" You are not giving my family any money, you and I didn't get married so you can rescue them. You are not their bank, we are not buying groceries. I will buy bread, and give them 200rand but this is the last time"
Michael" Calm down"
Me" I give my parents 2.500 every month and buy groceries for them. I pay for their medical aid, and buy electricity. They had no right to call you! Now it's like I don't do anything for them. I have been doing these things before I met you! It's infuriating! And I don't want them in my life anymore if they are just keeping me around for what I can do for them"
Me crying at this moment was inevitable, I was really embarrassed. I can't explain it but my parents crossed a lot boundaries. They threw me out for "ixhengo lam" then shouldn't they want nothing to do with us. They've been sabotaging us and I am just tired.

Michael convinced me buying more groceries was a good idea, I paid for everything yet again. Michael's money is exactly that his, I go to work everyday because I don't want to depend on him. When we arrived there they were so friendly which annoyed me even more.
Me" I don't know why you thought it was okay but don't call my husband again. Especially for this, I bought food and gave you money. Njani kungabikho sonka? Uphi yena uNamhla?"
Mama" Hay Balisa, apha kokowenu"
" Noba ungathini, kuzo hlala kukokwenu apha"
Me" And I do my bit, but my money isn't yours. You are entitled to what's not yours and that needs to stop"
Mama" Yi mali yendoda le umisa ngayo"
Me" Okay but why eyakho indoda ingahoyi wena uyeke eyam indoda? Where do you get the guts to call umyeni wam to tell him akho sonka. Isonka se 15rand Mama? 15rand? Intloni"
"Nikhohlakele nina"
Mama" Asoze sifike kuwe"
Me" Iyilento we decided we will not give you anymore money. Ndicela nindiyekeni, you threw me out kaloku. Masingalibali, nindibiza ihule, asinotya imali yam yohula. Hay manitye eye cawa mntana ka bawo but eyam ne ndoda yam, this was the last time"
Mama" Yabona the high horse you are on ngoku, uzowa kabuhlungu. Yabona indoda? Iyakuvusa emaqandeni uhambe uzikhangela. Ulumke ukhwaza ungeka phumi ethyolweni"
I giggled then shrugged
Me" At least ndizophoxa kala ndine mali zam, because andimanga ngaye. Ndadingayanga uyodlala undize kula Nmmu. Indoda is not a measure of my success just an extension of it. Asifani mna nawe, don't you ever make that mistake"
"Wena if utshiyiwe ngulo ubomi bakho would be on pause. We are not built the same, ungaze tuu uzibhanxe olohlobo ngam"
My mother brings out the worst in me and she does it so effortlessly. She really thinks I married Michael because of his money. And I am done trying to prove to her that I did. Msuzo wakhe at this point.

PRESENT DAY!!!!! NOW!!!! TODAY!!!!

"Nali Bali lika Tanci"
I looked up and smiled when I saw my uncle. It's been weird, the last two weeks have been weird. Being in hospital then going into a psychiatric ward and finally going home.
Me" Uzolanda mna?"
He nodded
Uncle" We are going to my house, you've been locked up in that mansion of yours for too long"
He spoke to the doctor, I saw Michael with the corner of my eye, he just smiled at me then carried on listening to the doctors.
"Masambe mntanam"
I followed behind him, I stopped and looked at Michael one last time. My uncle is what I wished my father was to me, we were in car and he was playing some jazz when it started drizzling.
Me" Let's wait it out"
Uncle" Sesifikile njena Bali, I promise you, two streets then sifikile"
He drove slower, I closed my eyes and listened to the rain pour. I started having flashbacks

*
"Shit, I don't know how to do this car seat thing"
Michael said, it wa still raining and we were in the parking lot.
Me" I'll hold her"
Michael" That's not a good idea, you are too nervous because of the rain, give her to....."
*

"Balisa"
I got startled by the sound of my uncle's voice and opened my eyes. He leaned over to wipe my tears.
Uncle" Sifikile"
" You are safe"
Me" Can I sleep?"
He smiled at me
Uncle" Right after you eat and I read you a few pages from All the sad young men by Fitzgerald"
"It's our favorite book after all"
That's where my love for books started, my uncle used to take me to the library Instead of letting me play with girls my age. He was my friend, he never had children and I always wanted to be his child. He taught me how to read, he made me fall in love with the world of fiction. When I fell in love and was actually sure about it, I needed him to meet Michael and when they hit it off I knew he was the man for me. Michael joked about how he was the same age as my uncle, we all found that funny.
Me" If you say you are making pancakes then I am moving in with you"
Uncle" Hahaha while I make the mixture will you talk to me Bali?"
" I need to understand why you would want to commit suicide"
Me" I thought I died"
" I know that sounds crazy but I can't remember a lot of things. I have so many questions about so many things but I don't know if I am imagining these things. I am not even sure if you are real"
Uncle" I will tell you something that only we know"
I nodded
" You ran away from home and came back, they all never noticed that you were gone"
Me" I am so overwhelmed by everything. And I don't know how to live without Michael, I don't know if I can. I feel like I am imagining him, like he never existed. I read so many books, maybe I made him up. Then Harlow, I held her, I was pregnant. I still have milk coming out of me and I swear I've fed her but akekho naye. I am not okay"
" I just want to know what happened 4 weeks ago. I just want to remember that day"