'Mood' writing

Fuckin idiot

How can young switch up so fast? How the fuck can you fuck me that amazing just to tell me the next day you dont want to see me? I understand you were drinking and so was I but you know your limit. You know how you get after those few drinks. You know that we always do that. You know or atleast I think you know that... I love you. I accidentally said it once when the friendship first started and I didnt mean it at the time I was thinking of my ex cause you were saying everything right but he was on mind and it slipped. You basically made fun of me for a whole month maybe two. I know we are just friends but dammit I'm in love with you. Everyday it gets harder for me to control my actions because yes I do want to hold your hand and yes I want to hug you but I dont want you to push me away. I don't want to be outcast. You held my hand last night and yes I know it was to guide me back to the truck but if you only knew the butterflies I had when I you grabbed me and your fingers wrapped around my hand with a slight grip. I couldnt help but to smile. You kissed me differently too. It wasnt our usual 'friends' kiss. It was more into it unless I'm just thinking too much into it... god I wish I could say it to you but I'm so afraid and I know I know we agreed we would just be friends then best friends now best friends with benefits but damn you keep doing everything that turns me on and everything. I wish I could even do half of the things you do for me.