SOFT SPOILER
"I wanna marry you"
"I can't marry you"
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Michael Jackson, the worlds' largest super star known to man, gets lonely when it's bedtime.
Aliza, an upcoming artist has so much to prove to Michael as she hopes to one day compose a...
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Aliza abruptly wakes up panicking. She pulls the cover back. Afraid. The cold sweat is dripping from her body. She's exploding and she's confused. She goes to the kitchenette and turns the faucet on running the water on her face. Something isn't right.
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She grabs a hand towel and runs on the balcony making sure to close the door softly to avoid waking Izzy. She curls down and has her head between her knees rocking forward and back. Trembling hands. Trembling cries. She grabs the hand towel and bites in it and screams as loud as she can so no one can hear. Louder and louder. Her veins are popping out. She can't even think. All she can do is feel.
Is this what dying feels like? Living can not feel this way.
After long minutes of screaming cries she stares blankly into space as the city before her moves and moves. She's still. She's away right now. Breathing in but she can't catch air. The fog of her breath is sharp. She can hardly swallow. Where are you? she thinks. Where are you? Pleaseeee, help, she silently begs. Can you hear me? Its all she can fathom.
Piercing aches. Stings on the heart. The sharpest knife, slowly cutting back and forth to get as many pieces possible.
Her eyes are closed. She's quiet. The city makes sounds of life that she can't seem to relate to right now. "What now Aliza, what are you gonna do" the voice in her head says...
She opens her eyes filled with tears and it hurts. The migraine from crying makes it hard to keep them open. She gets up and walks to the rail. She squeezes the rail. It's then that she feels the sweaty palms of her hands.
She cries. She laughs. She stomps. She breathes in and breathes out. She needs courage. She needs to believe. She cries aloud. Her mouth struggles to say the words...
"You're-you're" she trembling. She can taste the salt like tears on her lips. "You're a survivor Aliza. You're a survivor." And for a moment, she truly believed it.
"Liz?...Are you okay?" Izzy says looking confused in the doorway balcony....
———AUTHOR NOTES Aliza can't seem to escape something. Life won't let up. She's in need of something. Whether it's near or far, she has to keep pushing forward.
CONFESSION This was the hardest thing I've ever had to write. There are no words that can express a heartbreak. All we can do is relate. We never really know what someone is battling. Just like Aliza, many people seems okay. They have many great things ahead of them but the past can make us see things differently. It was important for me to leave the ending of this chapter open-with no real understanding of what Aliza had planned to do in that moment. We don't judge here. We relate. If you have ever felt the way Aliza is in this chapter...it's okay because you are not alone.
Please stay on this journey with Aliza, Michael and the others. You may find a piece of yourself in this book.
