Two Punks In Love

What The Third Eye Sees

Leed

I consider myself open fucking minded.

I've seen a lot. I've done a lot.

In all the categories.

Sex. Drugs. Rocknroll.

But even I have my limits. I'm lunching in this "medical spa" that is basically a high-priced "give-em-what-they-want" imitation of actual spiritual enlightenment, sitting across with Kat and her new-revealed-what-the-fucking-fuck-husband, and all I can think to say to Ballard B is...

"Kat, are you out of your goddamn mind?"

HellKat—and I know she's depressed but she is nevertheless HellKat right now, her switch is flipped to full-on feral —anyway, HellKat gives me with a frightening "game on" stare.

Ashlynn, however, is the one that speaks. "Leed!"

She gives me a rare, disapproving look. It stings, but I don't show it.

"Did you just hear what she said?" I retort.

I know that she did, but I'm just checking because there are still those very rare occasions when Ashlynn has a micro-seizure—mild, a few seconds of missing time, but nevertheless I want to make sure she didn't miss the moment when Kat announced that she eloped with her ex.

"Of course I did."

Ashlynn glares at me again, and this time the message comes to me as clear as if she said it outloud.

You're fucking this up, Leed. Just shut-up and let me talk.

I'm actually pretty impressed that I'm picking up what she's laying down, because she hardly ever gives me these shut-up kinds of silent looks—the last time being at a prep school admissions interview for Luis—but my third eye is on-fucking-point today, because not only did I find Kat in this boutique rehab in Switzerland, I read Ashlynn's rarely signaled message loud and clear.

Kat is still glaring at us both, her bravado all balls-to-the-wall. This Colin character—I want so bad to call him Dr. Quarterdick but that label is already taken and he's not a doctor so it's not as good—anyway, this Colin character, stabs at his salmon and chews with satisfaction.

I can't tell if he's enjoying his lunch or our complete shock and discomfort more.

"Okay," Ashlynn says mildly. "So, I get it. I mean...I'm no stranger to a spontaneous marriage in response to extreme stress—"

Kat's laugh is full of bitterness.

Ashlynn is undaunted. She continues with quiet calm even though HellKat would obviously like to kill her. "But I guess you guys are making some kind of statement, with your...union?"

More corrosive laughter from Kat.

Kat is obviously not going to kill Ashlynn, but I really wish she would chill the fuck out. Normally I'm completely Team HellKat, but there is never any need for meanness. Ashlynn has never intentionally tried to hurt Kat, but right now it seems like Kat is gleeful in Ashlynn's discomfort.

I breathe deep, firing oxygen to my third eye.

Pain is all that comes back. A throbbing, acute ache.

Kat is in pain. And people in pain, like wild animals, lash out.

"Oh I don't know, what kind of statement were you making when you married Trace, Ashlynn?" Kat is pure venom.

"A cry for help," Ashlynn says evenly.

"Right, well...this is..." Colin reaches for Kat's hand, the one with the brand new wedding ring on it, "this is really no one's fucking business."