Love me, Love me

•~12~•

A/N: This one is from Elena/Cyan's POV. Don't forget to vote 😽

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My head was spinning which I hated with a burning passion. I always wanted to be in control of my thoughts and feelings but around him, it was impossible. He made my mind a jumble and my knees weak. It was difficult to regain composure after he said something questionable. It especially affected me when he spoke in a language I wasn't used to. He knew how to press all my buttons.

We were in Navigation and Nathan was leaning against the wall. I was sitting at the left control panel, figuring out how to chart our course. It was quite easy since I'd learned how to do it on Earth but it was still a little different. There was coding involved which was never my strongest area.

"Well," Nathan started, letting out a breath through the words, "you were right. Someone broke O2 on purpose."

"Who do you think it was?" I asked, keeping my eyes on the board mostly to stay focussed but also because I didn't want to let him manipulate my emotions.

"I wouldn't be surprised if it was my brother," he said, voice coming from the panel on my right.

"Why do you hate him so much?" I asked before thinking it through, realizing shortly after what a personal question it was.

"He's always been hanging around me our entire lives and I'm kinda sick of it. It gets annoying after years of feeling crowded. He hates me because I always had more attention and it's just... complicated. There's no hope of fixing it," he said, running a hand over his face.

I looked over at him, seeing that his head was bowed in sadness. I sighed, pointing to the panel in front of him. "Do you mind stabilizing the steering on that screen?"

He pointed to the blue one with the crosshair on it. "This one?"

"Yeah. Then you can steer," I said, making sure to go back to my activity so he didn't suspect I did that on purpose.

I was guessing that he missed his driving so I figured he wouldn't hate steering again. I knew it wasn't the same but I wanted to help. If I could make him feel better, I was going to. I had no idea where my fondness of him was coming from but I felt it so strongly. Whenever he would look down my frame or grin at me, I'd get instant butterflies. It was honestly pretty inconvenient to me. He should've timed his flirting better.

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I was staring at the pew in front of me, silently wondering why I was here. I obviously knew why I was here but I was wondering why I had given in to him. There wasn't a sadness I thought I might've felt, it was more numb than anything else. It didn't feel like the agony people were expecting from me, it was more worried.

"Ms.Cruz."

I stood quickly, turning to find the priest in front of me. "Father-"

"It's alright, Elena. You don't have to call me that when we both know it isn't sincere," he said, smiling in that kind way he always did where I felt safe.

I nodded, glancing at the floor then back up at him. "Possiamo parlare Italiano, se vuoi." We can speak Italian, if you want.

He shook his head, smiling still. "I know you prefer English."

I nodded again, taking a deep breath. "I don't want to be rude but I'd honestly rather be alone."

"Of course. I just wanted to offer my condolences. And if you ever need a job, you can apply here," he said, nodding as I had done a lot during this conversation.