Pieces Of A Puzzling Me

Stop The Silence On Domestic Violence

Abuse--verbal, physical, emotional; all of it taunting
I remember the torture, all so haunting
A mark permanent from being beaten and bruised;
why did I have to suffer from a guy oh so mean and cruel

At the hands of his wake; my body ached
I never thought I'd be under his control
sleeping with him made me feel like my body had been sold
It still stung, slapping my face with his hands and each word flung;
had I known what life would've been like with him, I would've said, "I'm so done."

But still compelled, I was under his spell;
he put me through the wringer, not able to release myself from the hell
Putting me in a chokehold with his hands wrapped around my neck tight;
My knees buckled and I saw stars during the day when it should have been night

But night came for me as my vision compromised
I just gave in, I didn't put up a fight
Even though it happened only once
it wasn't right, him punching my gut

Verbally beaten and battered
I felt small, like my life didn't matter
Why would a woman like me take that kind of pain
Him spitting in my face with his words, I'm a disgrace

Hesitant I walked not wanting to enter that room
it always greeted me when face to face, the doom and gloom--feeling so blue
Homelessness, hopelessness came leading up towards the few months before the end
but I never once thought about leaving that toxic relationship

Flying out the windows of my eyes
the tears poured out, I couldn't stop the cries
I should've instead cried for help
Anything would've been better than how I felt

I should've listened to others and my father which I regret every single day
then again I had to be human, I had to make those mistakes
That permanent scar on my back
reminds me of flopping like a fish in that car wreck

His dark soul was very telling when his whispers became yelling;
then again, I bought every single lie that he told, what he was selling
There's no denying, I had faith in still trying;
I tried so hard even when we slept on the street
I was ready to give up, though now I admit defeat

I hated the thought of leaving, of being lonely without a man in my life;
but he wasn't a man,  not someone who I would dare let call me wife
I was really blind even though I thought it was love;
I was happy once I left, no longer attached to his controlling mind or under his thumb

I say everything happens for a reason;
I didn't stop searching for love after him, I didn't stop believing
It's like a blessing in disguise, to find the right guy
I had to be taught a certain lesson, so I wouldn't be second guessing once Mr. Right came strolling in my life

After I left, I'm still constantly reminded of my past;
I look in the mirror and I can see the pain right through the glass
However, I won't wallow in self-pity, that's just not how to deal
With my expressions, I filter the anger out by telling you how I feel

Those nightmares in the beginning when I left I had fears
of him coming to find me but they no longer linger
With my friends and family, with their love and support
that abusive time I endured in my life is fading, not so sore

I am who I am today because of those haunting memories
and I have a loving husband, so it's the end of my sad story
It's a hard thing to let go and yet
I can now say I forgive, but one thing is for certain, I will never ever forget