Music To My Soul

Ch. 8

Anderson: 

What the actual fuck did I just do? I'm on the plane back to Rome, and I'm internally sobbing like a baby. Not only did Maxwell and Sir Fletcher give me an earful, but so did Vlad and worst of it all, Timothy. The other three didn't hurt as much, but Timothy, he hit me right in my heart. I saw the hatred in his eyes, the pain in his voice still ringing in my ears, the sting of his strike to my jaw, all of it was amplified and it hurt so much worse than imaginable. I knew why it hurt, and I just didn't have the heart to admit why it did. I touched the spot where a freshly healed bruise was mere moments ago, and Maxwell looked at me with pity in his indigo eyes.

" How could you have messed up this badly? You had one job. Kill or capture the vampire, but you just had to drag his Mate into it, and what's worse, the boy it seems has more of a bite than the vampire. I just want to know why it's eating you up so much this time? Every other time you two would go at it, it never phased you, but now, because of one boy, you seem to be in agony beyond compare. Why?"

" Maxwell, there are just somethings best left unsaid, and that is one of them." 

" What? Don't tell me you've grown to care for the boy?" 

" It's not like that. It's just... When we would talk, it was effortless in how well we got along. I never had that kind of relationship with anyone, professional or not. I wouldn't go so far as to say I love him, but I do feel horrible for how much of a shit show I made Tim's life into. I liked Tim, he was a good soul and a nice guy. To be around him was to be in the presence of the sun, in it's warmth and sunny embrace, but now I have felt the burn of the sun, and I never want to feel it again. I pulled an Icarus so fucking hard, it genuinely is fucking me up." 

" So you are guilty for how badly you messed up his life?" 

" Yes. I feel shitty, Maxwell, now drop it." 

I could feel the tears trying to soak into my words, but I knew better than to lie. I had to lie. While I had been around Tim, I felt myself growing fond of him, to a point you could almost call it a infatuation, or as the children would call it, a crush. I loved how easy he was to talk to, how open minded he was, how he was so kind and fun to be around, how if I had a class that was fresh from music, all of them were in a great mood and it helped me teach better. I adored how he had this little flip in his hair when he would run his lithe fingers through the chestnut mane, how his eyes were a shade of green like my own, how he was the perfect size to hold close. I bite my tongue, the taste of blood jarring me out of my own mind's downward spiral. Once we had landed, I went to my room, locked and barricaded the door, and let myself drown in my own misery, knowing full well I just ruined my every chance of having Tim in my life ever again, all because I couldn't leave well enough alone, and because I'm a stupid, loyal soldier to a fucked up group of zealots. 

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Timothy: 

I was in my room with Vlad, watching a movie he picked and trying to distract me from how horrible I felt. I wasn't even paying attention to the movie, my mind was on a certain blond bastard who has been infiltrating my mind way too much. I would close my eyes, and see the hurt and pain on his almost flawless jawline, in his perfectly matching green eyes, all of it, it was imprinted in my brain. I hated myself, because I was in the arms of the man I love, the man I adore beyond comprehension, and yet, here I was, mourning the loss of a man I had no right doing so over.

" What plagues your mind, my love?"

I snap back to reality to notice the credits rolling. I was so wrapped up in my own head I missed the whole thing.