Dixon's Baby Girls

Part 34: Mourn

*Hayley's POV*

    It's been a little bit since we found Sophia in the barn. It really has taken a toll on the entire group.

    Even Daddy is incredibly effected by it. He left Maddie and I with the group while he went off into the woods or sat alone at our tents that were now a good distance away from the rest.

    Hershel even left the farm, he had dead family members in the barn also. I figured that out myself when Rick and Glenn had to leave to go find him, because Beth collapsed in shock. So yeah a lot has happened in the time since losing my friend Sophia.

And poor Carol. She is a mess. I feel guilty and try not to be sad around her, because she watched Sophia grow up, Sophia was her daughter. And I was just her friend for a few months. She didn't even go to Sophia's funeral cause it hurt too much.

The only person barely effected by it is Maddie of course cause not only is she little and she doesn't understand, but she wasn't even there to begin with.

I'm sitting on the ground, drawing in the dirt with a stick, while Andrea is holding my sister and keeping watch on the field a few feet away. At least that's what I think she is doing cause she is sitting there with her handgun on her hip. Looking out towards the field and edge of the woods while holding my sister and keeping her occupied. Everyone else was either doing their jobs or doing whatever else they need to, to mourn Sophia's death. For some that's how they do, by keeping busy.

I look over at Andrea again. And then I stand and walk over to her.

"Andrea.?" I say to her.

"Yeah?" She acknowledged me.

"I'm sorry."

"For?"

"Pushing you and calling you a bitch after you shot daddy. I know it was an accident, I was just upset then. Daddy forgave you I should too, and I have."

"It's okay. I know you Carl and even Maddie are going through a lot of things. Things changed for you guys. Drastically. I can't imagine growing up in this world like it is now."

"Yeah it's very different..." I say then get sad thinking about my life before I lived it in fear that I'd die the next second if I weren't careful.

"Wait, you called me a bitch?!" Andrea said and then laughed. I guess she noticed my change in mood and wanted to cheer me up, cause I started giggling too. Maddie does the same just laughing at us laughing.

"Im gonna go see if they need help with Beth see how she's doing. You want to come? I'm bringing Maddie with." She continued. I look around and see my dad sitting by our tents and sharpening his knife.

"I think I'm gonna go talk to my dad. See if he's okay." I say. She nods and walks into the house.

Shortly after I get up and walk to my dad. As I walk up to him he doesn't lift his head from what he's doing with his knife. But, I know that he knows I'm there. I just sit down at his side.

"I'm sorry dad." I say. He stops and looks over at me.

"Sorry for what?" He asks.

"Sorry that you're sad." I shrug. "I'm sad too." I say and look down.

"It's okay Hay. I'm sorry you're sad."

I just shrug again.

"I guess I'm okay. I should get used to loss." I look up and he looks sad, and shocked by my response. "I mean I've already lost my life from before, Amy, and uncle Merle..." he just sighed.

"I'm sorry baby girl I should have talked to you about all that. Checked on you more to see how you were feeling and stuff." He started to get angry with himself. He tried to hide it but I could tell. "But, instead I've been running off, feeling guilty and sorry for myself. I should've been more concerned about you."

Crap! I messed up.

"Never mind. You were feeling guilty before, and I just made it worse. I'll just go check on Beth I guess." I say and go to walk away. But my dad grabs my wrist and gently pulls me back to sit by him.

"No, I'm sorry you didn't make anything worse. It's okay." He said.

"What were you feeling guilty for?"

"I don't know. I guess for not finding her."

"None of it was your fault dad."

He just smirks and nods slightly.

"Yeah. People just mourn differently. I guess that's how I do it. Blame myself for things I think I should have done differently, thinking I could've changed the outcome."

"You did all you could. I'm proud of you daddy." I smile at him. He smiles back at me.

"You don't know how amazing that sounds coming from you baby." He says hugging me into his side.

"I love you dad."

"I love you too Hayley. So much." He said kissing the top of my head. I smile.

*couple hours later*

We sat by the tent for the next couple of hours. Talking and spending time together. When Lori walks over to us.

"Moving to the suburbs?" She asks. We just look up at her not answering back. "Listen, Beth's in some kind of catatonic shock. We need Hershel."

"Yeah. So what?." Daddy says back to her.

"So I need you to run into town real quick and bring him and Rick back." She replies. Daddy ignores her. "Daryl?"

"Your bitch went window-shopping. You want him? Go fetch him yourself. I got better things to do." Daddy says angrily. I just look down. Lori just had to come over and ruin things.

"What's the matter with you? You'll speak like that in front of Hayley?! Plus, Don't you be so selfish."

"Selfish? Listen to me, Olive Oyl. I was out there looking for that little girl every single day. I took a bullet and an arrow in the process. Don't you tell me about me getting my hands dirty! As for how I speak in front of my daughter! Is my business plus she has heard enough of it from her uncle before. And a few curse words ain't gonna hurt her, it's the last of my concerns in a world like this." He snaps. "You want those two idiots? Have a nice ride. I'm done looking for people."

She just scoffs. "Dinner will be ready in just a bit Hayley. You should probably go inside-"

"She is my daughter Lori." Daddy cuts her off. "Just go. I've got things covered." Sh just rolls her eyes and walks away.

"That was a little much. Don't ya think?" I say.

"No. I don't think so. Why don't you just go get ready for dinner. Let us adults do the worrying. Everything is fine." He says and pats my shoulder sitting down. I walk to the house for dinner. Of course with a lot on my mind.

Here's chapter 34. I'm SO sorry for not updating this story for a while. But I've had a lot of personal stuff going on. Still do but I'll update when I update. Thank you for reading much love to all of you.
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