The Ungodly Hour~Anthony Bridgerton

part IV: goodbye, goodbye

Songs:
L.E.S Artistes- Santigold
Sure- Hatchie
What Ever Happened- The Strokes

The carriage had been set and goodbyes were now underway. However, Caroline could not bring herself to begin the daunting task of saying farewell to everyone she loved. 

"Where's Sebastian?" her voice cracked perhaps because of the cold morning air or perhaps because she wanted to cry so badly and couldn't. "You said he would bid me farewell!" She turned to Patrick who had ridden across the township last night to inform a very distraught Sebastian of Caroline's departure. 

"He said he would be here." Patrick put his arm around his sister pulling her into a hug. "He'll be here." 

But he never did show up. Caroline went down the line of her household saying tearfully saying goodbye to her whole family and feeling guilty because all she could think was 'why had Sebastian not shown up to at least see her off?'. 

She had even pictured him coming to her window in the night, tossing pebbles, begging her to come down, and spend their last night they'd ever have together. To do so would have made her mother furious, but all Caroline had wanted last night was to see Sebastian and pretend like tomorrow was just another day, another day they could spend together. 

Mrs. Kensington hugged her daughter tightly. Crying tears of joy as she saw the dreams she had projected for so long onto Caroline finally come to fruition. "I know you do not understand right now, but this will be the best thing for you. I know that you will find happiness there, I am sure of it!" she whispered to Caroline as she hugged her, then placing a kiss on her forehead. 

Saying goodbye to her father was awkward. They had barely spoken since last night's outburst and all she wanted to do was run into his familiar arms, but knowing this may be the last time somehow stopped her in her tracks. Her father understood this though, pulling her into a tight and comforting hug and planting a kiss on the crown of her head. "I love you, Carrie. I promise you will be happy, I will be sure of it. Whatever I can do. Please write." The familiar words of reassurance and pet names stumbled out shakily.

"I love you too." Caroline whimpered as she was lead into the sparkling white and gold carriage by Lord and Lady Heathman, both dressed quite elaborately. She looked back at her family with a sorrowful wave still hurt by Sebastian's absence.  

Lord and Lady Heathman sat awkwardly on the velvet benches of the carriage as if they were not used to each other presence even after their 30 years of marriage. It did not comfort Caroline's anxieties on the idea of a "suitable match". And she fidgeted with the trim of her new blue dress the couple had insisted she wear on the journey. It was tighter and itchy compared to her usual simple linen dresses, and all the unique fabrics blending at once overwhelmed her skin. 

She looked out the window of the carriage looking back at the only home she had ever known and wondered if she would ever return. If she would ever see her family, her friends, or even Sebastian ever again. 

Caroline watched the early morning sun quiver amongst the birch trees praying she would walk these forests again. Praying she may find a husband merciful enough to allow her to see her family. To let her bring her children to where she spent her wonderful and adventurous childhood. But she had to distract herself from such thoughts as the very thought of children only encouraged her terror that she may end up having to marry a dastardly and disgusting man her father's age, and then– 'Ugh!' she shuttered at the idea. She didn't even want to think about her former dream of having children anymore.