The Ungodly Hour~Anthony Bridgerton

part XI: aftershocks

Songs:
Maps-Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Love Me Like Me That- The Knocks feat. Carly Rae Jepsen
In My Feelings- Lana del Rey
Blue Monday- Flunk

He felt his skin crawl against the fabric of his shirt when she reached for his arm, thinking to step away. He couldn't get Caroline's words out of his mind. He had walked away from her so confidently, which quickly turned to sulking when he had disappeared from view and began to obsess over her spiteful designation. Was he really using the Princess? It certainly hadn't been his intention. His intention was to participate in the marriage market as was his responsibility but he couldn't stop questioning his own motives and it made him unable to look Nathalia directly in the eye as he escorted her to the carriages. 

A thousand stressful thoughts controlled his mind as he tried to make small talk. Thoughts beginning with would Nathalia be happy married to him? Then the uncomfortable reality that she was younger than Anthony had initially thought, something that made the idea of the presumptuous wedding night even more daunting and distressing. And lastly, was this all just a misguided and ill-disguised attempt to toy with Caroline? Was Anthony just lying to himself? To do such a thing would be so cruel and unforgivable, not to Caroline which clearly now held little regard in Anthony's mind, but to Nathalia. 

He tried to erase the anxieties from his mind telling himself that Caroline was exaggerating. After all, she had said Anthony had used her throughout their relationship which was just not true.

Not at all.

Right? He couldn't be certain. But his truth unequivocally stated everything he felt for Caroline had been pure love and though misguided being his first love while an already immature seventeen-year-old boy. He had never intended to hurt or manipulate her and Caroline certainly knew nothing about his relationship with Siena. She didn't know that he had tried and desperately wanted to make it work, that to let her go was the hardest but most compassionate thing to do. It had only proved to him how much he had truly loved Siena. For Caroline to bring her name up so ignorantly was uncalled for and only showed her bias towards him. She would never be able to see that him marrying Nathalia was an attempt to meet the expectations for a gentleman that his family– that the ton had for him. An attempt at moving on from Caroline and finally becoming a better person.

Still, the self-reassurance was hollow. They had arrived at the carriages, Anthony's intent had been to escort Nathalia home. He was to take his carriage with the Prince, Lord Pembley, and Nathalia back to the palace where they were staying, and then return home. But he quickly amended the plan when he saw Caroline would likely join them as she waited for carriages with the Prince. They locked eyes for a brief second before immediately forcing their gazes forward. 

"Prince Telvie, allow me to offer my seat to Miss Kensington's lady's maid so that she may feel more comfortable on her escort home," he nodded politely to Mia who only glared at him for daring to mention her. 

"That is quite unnes–" Caroline had not even intended to be escorted home by Prince Telvie, she was waiting for Terrence and their carriage to arrive. 

"I insist," Anthony talked over Caroline directly at the Prince as if it wasn't a choice. 

"That is quite thoughtful of you Lord Bridgerton, Miss Kensington, Miss Dagton would you allow me the honor to escort you both to the Heathman manor?" The Prince offered his hand so kindly and perhaps it was because she knew when they touched it drove Anthony crazy or that he had remembered Mia's name after only learning it once, much more than she could say for Anthony who preferred to only address Mia by profession, that Caroline took the Prince's hand with a smile. She anticipated Anthony to react but he just smiled, wishing Nathalia goodbye as helped her up into the carriage. Caroline was the last to enter, while Anthony lurked behind her to close the carriage door.