The Ungodly Hour~Anthony Bridgerton

part IX: we are moving on; together

Songs:
Prince Johnny- St Vincent
Red is the Rose-Dala
Sunday-The Cranberries

Anthony regretted walking to the Heathman manor, as he now had to walk through the square back to his bachelor quarters dejected in secret. His face was stoic and unemotional up to the moment he walked through the front door. He was greeted by a footman expecting to take his overcoat. Anthony brushed past him in a huff loosening his layers himself in the foyer; much to the shock of the servants who began to scatter erratically. He threw the waistcoat to the ground in a final exasperated huff, leaving him panting in his cotton cuffed shirt still feeling constricted by the fabric. He began unbuttoning the sleeves and neck, oscillating his breath between seething in anger and choking on misery. But he did not cry, achieving his only objective as he now decided he would no longer cry any tears over Caroline Kensington, no matter how painful or how tempting it may be. He had done everything he felt he could and in the process he had only disobeyed and disrespected her, adding the many unforgivable offenses he had committed. 

"Did it not go well?" 

Anthony was surprised and plucked from his fit, yielding his attention to Simon who was lounging in an armchair in the adjacent drawing room, sipping scotch and watching the entire tantrum. And though his smile was slightly amused his eyes were filled with empathy for his best friend. 

Anthony's arms fell to his side in frustration, he had felt somewhat composed until actually asked how he was. "The florist didn't have tulips..." he mumbled under his breath as he stomped into the drawing-room immediately heading for the small bar cart and fixing himself a drink as well.

"What?"

"Nothing..." Anthony grumbled under his breath unable to explain further.

The Caroline that existed now was a completely different person than the woman he'd fallen in love with, that much he knew. 'That Caroline was always compassionate and understanding of me, I can no longer recognize her.' The words echoed in his mind as a lofty defense mechanism. The admirable goals of change that Anthony had intended at the start of the season were slowly dissipating. He felt himself slowly inching back to his harshest and most rakish parts. He stared into the brown liquid sloshing it around the crystal glass until finally letting the liquor ignite his tongue, inviting him to retire such headaches as Caroline Kensington. 

Anthony broke the long and comfortable silence, his attempts to stop talking about her remaining short-lived, "She's just so temperamental, so won't listen to a single thing I say, even an apology!" He leaned back in his chair taking another frustrated sip. "There is not a single thing I can do, Hastings. I just have to accept it..." his voice trailed off as his eyes wistfully stared at the bottom of his now empty glass. He shut his eyes forcefully, gripping the glass in his fist, taking a breath of air tightly in from his nose as if it was the only thing keeping him tied together. 

Simon echoed his silence with a sigh. "I'm sorry, Bridgerton, I truly am. But perhaps it is for the best? You never did tell anyone what happened between you two." His voice had changed to curious. After nearly six years of friendship, there still so much the two had never discussed with each other.

Anthony chewed on the inside of his cheek nervously, "Yes. It is," he finally replied stiffly. The truth was nobody in Anthony's circle actually knew what he had done to Caroline. The extent of their relationship to everyone in the Bridgerton family was 'summer love' that had overgrown but never anything serious, and Anthony desperately wished to keep it that way. To live with the shame of his actions was enough, he could not fathom how he would feel if, anyone, even his close friend Simon, learned how he had cruelly broken so many promises to Caroline, including an engagement.