𝙑𝙪𝙡𝙣𝙚𝙧𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚 (𝙀𝙡𝙞𝙤 𝙋𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙢𝙖𝙣)

9

~vulnerable~
9:

That night, I go into the kitchen and find the strongest alcoholic drinks, and take them up to my room.

I want to forget.

I need to forget.

As I lay in my bed and take my first sip straight from the bottle, I see his eyes.

Second sip, I see his hair.

Third sip, I see his lips.

Fourth sip, I see his neck.

By the fifth sip, I feel like dying. All I can manage to see is him.

I lay on my side, imagining he was here.

"Elio Elio Elio Elio Elio Elio Elio Elio." I repeated.

I want to be able to look at him, hug him, touch him, without feeling the pain. He hurt me. There is nothing I can do to stop the gaping hole in my chest that I feel when I'm without him.

I sit here, crying and trying to drink away the sorrow, while he is probably with Marzia having the time of his life.

How could he so easily be okay? How did this not hurt him as much as it hurt me?

Maybe it's because he never loved me. Maybe it's because I was just hook up. Maybe I'm worthless.

Elio's POV:

Whatever Stella knows about what happened at the party is wrong.

I was pulled away by Marzia. She said she had something to tell me. "I saw Luca and Stella in town the other day making out. I figured you should know."

In result, I wanted revenge. I kissed her. When I looked up, I saw Stella and Luca kissing.

Then she left.

And now, I sit in the guest room, crying. Everyone I ever love leaves. I deserve nothing. No one. No one that's good for me.

I'm worthless.

I was never worthy of Stellas love.

I never will be.

I ruined this.

And then it hits me. Luca probably told her the same thing Marzia told me.

Stella was never the type to cheat on anyone. Ever. She cared too much. That's why none of it ever made sense.

I know she doesn't want to see me, so instead of going into her- my room, I write a letter explaining everything. And I mean everything.

I get Mafalda to give it to her, before I try to sleep.

Though, it didn't happen. I was up all night crying.

Her worlds hurt. "You ruin everything you touch."

I do. I've never been able to have good things. They always leave, get broken, or get lost. I'm helpless.

I'm not good for her. I will ruin her.

Stella's POV:

When I wake up the next morning, I realize I'm once again, alone. With no Elio clinging onto me or begging me to come back to bed.

Mafalda walks in with my clothes and sets them on the edge of my bed. I notice something on top of it. A letter.

I cautiously open it.

Dear Stella,
I know. I know you must be hurting. I know it's because of me. I know that you think I don't love you. I know you think that everything we have been through was for nothing. But I can assure you it's not.
That night at the party, Marzia pulled me away. She told me she saw you kissing Luca in town. Saw you smiling and blushing for him. I was angry at you and him. So I kissed her. I kissed her out of revenge. And then you kissed him. So I kissed her again.
I don't know if what she said was true, but I trust you. I should have that night too. But I'm Elio, and I ruin everything I touch. I'm always left alone. I don't want to ruin you again.
You are, everything to me. I understand if you don't want to see me again. I understand if you just want to leave and never come back. But know, that I regret nothing. And I love you forever.