Forever & Always (Forever & Always #1) (boyxboy)

The Past, Part I

I think it's because I'm clumsy

I try not to talk too loud

Maybe it's because I'm crazy

I try not to act too proud

They only hit until you cry

After that you don't ask why

You just don't argue anymore

You just don't argue anymore

You just don't argue anymore

Yes I think I'm okay

I walked into the door again

Well, if you ask that's what I'll say

And it's not your business anyway

I guess I'd like to be alone

With nothing broken, nothing thrown

- Suzanne Vega, Luka.

10 Years Ago.

I can see myself sitting there. But don't know why. Is this a dream? Am I dead? It's me at four years old, on my first day of school, before Noah. Just before Noah. My shaggy blond hair looks horrible. It was not properly brushed. I look around but no one can see me. 

Well this is different. What's the point of this anyway? I must have died? Or fallen asleep. But normally I'm not watching what's going on. I'm normally living it. I really don't know why Noah went to talk to me that day. I mean really.

I move closer to the bench and sit down. Beside myself. The cool summer breeze is still there, but the weather has changed slightly. The little me beside me tenses. As if he knows I'm there. Or were there eyes on me?

Looking around I can see the small children playing happily. Dozens run past us but never look. Their small bodies and faces buzzing past us. The more I look the more I remember. The feelings from my past come flooding back.

And then I see him. Noah. Standing beside the far wall. Looking straight at me.

So he was looking at me that day. Why? What did he see? Could he not sense how dirty I was. How worthless I was. He still can't now.

He starts walking over to me, his small body looks so different to now. He has no abs, no broad shoulders and long legs. His face is a lot softer, more pretty boy. Looking to my side, I can see that mine was more of an innocent face.

"Hey, I'm Noah. Who are you?"

Noah soft voice echos around my ears. I can't contain the smile when I remember this moment. Those words. That boy.

The little me looks up, slowly. And then he stares into those deep chocolate-brown eyes. The ones I fell in love with. And then I see it. The moment that passes and we are just there. Looking into each others eyes. Noah just as still as I was.

How did I not remember that? That is something I should have remembered. It was our first moment. The sign of something more, something deeper.

"I... I'm Jesse." The younger me replies rather weekly. The smile that lights up Noah's face still sends shivers down my spine. I can see my own face light up. And the mood around me is somehow lifted.

"You're really pretty Jesse."

I chuckle, trying not to laugh at how ridiculously happy that makes me. I can see if has the same effect on little me. I guess I was kind of cute, in a weird way that is. Not really perfect. Not like he described me next.