Swimming Ducks

Part 15: I am not a sinner

A.N:
Hi! The main plot of this chapter is family conflict and homophobia, so if conflict/fighting and homophobia trigger you, please skip to the TL;DR at the end of this chapter. Cute chapter coming next, I promise. <3

TARYN'S POV:
When I slipped through my door several hours after the ring-exchange, Alice drove off very quickly, due to my instruction, and although anxiety was beginning to claw at my chest, I was too fuzzy and warm to really care. At least, i was too fuzzy and warm to care too much.

That was until I saw my mother in the window that faced the front of the house, eying Alice's car as it rolled out of the driveway and away from the house. I stared at it as it disappeared past the rows of grey, feeling somewhat like it was my last hope fading into the ddistance. I wanted to run out after her, to beg her to take me with her, to spend the next few months it would make my mum to cool off about this with her. But I couldn't now- my mum had seen me and strode over me, arms folded, a face like steel. I tried to breath, but suddenly my heart was beating a little too fast, and not in the way it did around Alice. I felt nausea struggle inside of me, and I swallowed hard. Breathe. Just breathe.

I was done for.

"What were you doing out?" she sneered, her words like icicles. I could feel the disappointment dripping from her voice and I stared at my feet, shuffling them slightly. Tears were already welling in my eyes, and I forcefully bit them back. I wouldn't let her see me weak. I wouldn't be weak. But deep down, I was weak. I forced myself to hold it together, so hard it almost hurt.

"So you think you can just leave now without my permission?" she barked, her volume rising. I clenched my fists so tightly I could feel my nails digging into my palms. "This is my house! And my rules are that you can't see that girl! I am not happy about this Taryn, this is not going to be forgotten. How did I raise you do he so disrespectful?". I just stared at the floor, feeling tears form, shaking all over, partly from nerves and partly from the tightness of my fists.

She carried on, as I knew she would. Every word got louder. "We did not bring you up to act like this, you know that! Why do you insist of making us look awful? Why do you have to make our lives so much for difficult? All I am trying to do is keep you safe.". I could feel her eyes on me, daring me to speak. I refused to lift my gaze to hers, and she looked away with a disgusted sigh. I could hardly breath for fear of making her snap.

"When I look at you, I can't even see my own daughter anymore." That last sentence stabbed me like a knife, and I had to bite my lip so hard it almost hurt. A singular tear fell, and I tried desperately to stop them, but they kept coming now. Every part of me was shaking, with something between fear and anger. "I don't see my daughter! I see a rebellious teen who seems to think her little friends know more about the world than we do. I am your mother! I know more about the world than you ever will, so why are you so determined to hurt me? And what do those friends know anyway? Your friend Ashley-"

"Call them Ash," I mumbled, a bitter edge to my voice. Oh shit. Bad idea. Nice one, Taryn.

"Say that again Taryn, I dare you. Correct me again!" her voice was laden with so much disgust and anger. I wiped away tears, my entire body burning with anger. I could barely force the words out, but then I remembered the nights Ash had spent crying over their own mother's reaction to their gender. And I wasn't going to let my mum cause them that pain too. "Call them Ash."

"How dare you. HOW DARE YOU, TARYN. If you think for one second I'm going to take cheek like that from you, you can get out of this house!".

"I just might," I sneered, all of my anxiety melting away and molten rage pouring through my veins instead. "You clearly don't want me here, you don't care about me at all, so fine. I'll leave you alone, that seems to be what you want anyway. I should have run away with Alice whilst I could! At least she doesn't treat me like absolute shit." I was half-shouting now.