Swimming Ducks

Part 11: The Phone Call

Before I begin, I urge you to read FindyourTara 's amazing books "You Taught Me What Love Is" and "A Wonderful Thought."

This chapter is cute, I'm really excited for you guys to read that and honestly? I got second-hand butterflies writing it.

ALICE'S POV:

I held the phone to my ear, my breaths shaky and my mouth beginning to dry.

Stop panicking, it is probably nothing.

But my stomach was already twisted.

"Hello?" I asked tentatively, trying to still my already slightly-shaky hands. Taryn's breaths were shallow and shaky over the line, her voice hushed and small. Afraid.

Something is wrong, oh no oh no oh no.

In an attempt to stop panicking I clenched my fists tightly, already sticky with sweat. I lay down on my bed and tried to breathe as Taryn said "Alice, something's wrong."

"What?" I felt everything in me tense up and twist into knots.

Just breathe Alice.

"Did someone hurt you?". I knew how defensive I sounded even before the words had left my mouth, but I couldn't take them back now.

"No, no," she reassured me, half-whispering, "I- I think I just had a panic attack." I stayed quiet for a moment, something like worry and care flooding my head and clouding my judgement. Poor Taryn. I hated it when she was in pain.

God, think, how do I help?

"Is something on your mind?".

"No," she replied, pausing before saying, "Well, to be honest, yeah."

"You can tell me," I whispered, trying my best to reassure her. She seemed to ponder for a moment, her breaths seeming a little slower, a little calmer. A while passed before she answered.

"It's. It's about the, um, the sleepover," she stammered, her words tumbling from her mouth and falling over each other. I drew a sharp breath and held it.

Fuck.

"Go on," I breathed, trying not to stutter, trying to sound calm.

This could either go really well or really badly.
Oh God oh God oh God.

"I liked it," she admitted, her words dripping with shame and regret and something else I couldn't place. I felt a flutter in my chest, a glow in my stomach, that sweet mist clouding my brain.

Stop it. Clear your head.
Try not to sound too interested.
You can't be this interested.

Before I knew what I was saying, I was whispering to her, the words pouring from me, the truth finally being exposed. "I did too Taryn." My stomach clenched, nerves buzzing over my skin. A knot began to form in my chest, tightening, gripping my heart. And oh God, why did I have to say that?

Breathe breathe breathe. Fucking hell fucking hell fucking hell.

Nobody spoke for a while, but I could hear her breathing, expectant and nervous all at once. Finally, after what felt like hours, she asked tentatively, "What does this mean?". I didn't have an answer, but I fumbled desperately for one, closing my eyes and searching blindly for it. It was right there, right in front of me, but we were both too terrified to say it. The answer hung in the air between us and we just lay in silence, letting it wrap slowly around us.

"I think it means that something is changing, T," I murmured, using the nickname I hadn't used since year seven. Electricity hummed over every inch of me, my nerves fizzing in my fingertips.

God, just calm down.

But I couldn't help thinking that I hadn't ruined this. That we had a chance. Did we have a chance?

"Alice?" Her voice was scared almost. I breathed in sharply before replying. "Yeah?"

"I kind of think I really like you."

Butterflies exploded in my stomach and my heart begun to work double time as I tried desperately to suppress the smile creeping across my face. I didn't have to think for a moment before the answer came to me. "I kind of think I really like you too." I could hear her smile across the phone as we both giggled at the silliness of it. But was it really silly if it could make me feel like this?

"Taryn, we can't rush things. We can't mess up, or we're screwed."

"I know Alice, but I'll fight." My heart swelled, hope building and shining brightly in my chest as I listened to her soft breathing, her smile evident even from here. And I knew she could feel me smiling back.

"I'm sorry I lied," she whispered.

"So am I," I replied. We sat in silence for a little while longer, listening to each other's little worlds audible across the phone, to the wind that rushed outside, passing through both of our houses, carrying hope with it. I held that idea, that she could hear the same breeze, as I listened to the quiet buzzing and rustling and whispering of the world outride. It didn't exist to me anymore. The only world that mattered was this little one, the one we shared over the phone, the one we shared in the little looks across the classroom. The world we visited in the little moments we snuck, hidden behind darkness or ignorance or both.

The world we got a taste of that night, her palm in mine, my ring against her finger, listening to the same wind, the same world outside. The same world between us. And suddenly I liked the world, because within the terrifying, vast expanse of the dark infinity of the universe, there was this little pocket of the earth. This little world, this little infinity, that existed just for us.

"I should sleep," she whispered almost inaudible after a while. I nodded slowly, smiling. "I'll see you on Monday," I said, my grin nearly reaching my ears.

"Bye," she whispered, and I held the soft "click" as she ended the call in my ear as I drifted into the sweetest sleep I'd had in months.

TARYN'S POV:

I pulled the sheets around me, my mind both buzzing with electricity and calm in a beautiful haze. Sleep came upon me easily, welcoming me, embracing me. As I hovered in that little world just between sleep and consciousness, I held the duvet tighter around me, wishing and longing in the best way that the duvet hugging my arms would one day be her arms. I let that through embrace me and carry me into the velvety darkness of sleep.