Swimming Ducks

Part 5: Friday

TARYN'S POV:
I stepped off of the bus on Friday morning, clenching my fists tightly and trying to stem the flow of sweat to my palms. My stomach churned slightly as I headed towards school. I held the hope of seeing Alice there like a beacon. Just something to see me through the day.

I opened the door to our tutor room, trying to slip in unnoticed. My school was girls (and Ash) only, but it was still noisy, the air thick with so much surface bullshit I nearly walked right back out again.

Alice and Ash were sitting at our usual table in the back corner. It was a table for four, Alice sitting with a spare seat to her right, Ash opposite her with their head on the table, their long, poison-green hair an explosion of what looked that pure evil beside them.

"Hi." Alice smiled at me, using her foot to push the chair next to her away from the table so I could collapse into it. She smiled with just the corner of her mouth at me. I knew what it meant. I'm proud of you and thank you and I hope you're doing okay at once. I nodded slightly, then I kicked her shin jokingly, a little harder than I intended. She laughed and pressed her heel into my toes.

"OW!" I laughed, shoving her gently.

God, you had to ruin it by being a wuss.

I felt my face fall, but tried to plaster on a smile, turning to Ash. They lifted their head slightly. Their lip piercing was in today and, I didn't know how they'd got that past any teachers. The only reason they hadn't been suspended for the hair was that it was so "dark no dye would cover it", and the teacher's decided that was good enough. I pondered for a second whether I'd ever seen Ash's natural hair colour. I didn't think I ever had. "Hiii," they groaned, their head back on the table. I laughed in way of reply.

***

My Maths teacher droned behind the haze of apathy in my head as I put my head in my arms, rubbing my eyes with my thumbs. I could barely stay awake; I had barely slept. I put my chin in my hands and looked at Alice. From where I was, I could only see her side, a long plait flicked over her shoulder. She was framed perfectly by the sun streaming through the window in ribbons, landing in smudges around her. She whispered something to the girl beside her, Jess, the girl with the long brown hair and bright green eyes. Pretty Jess. Prettier-than-me Jess.

I watched the curve of her smile, her eyes crinkling as she laughed, I could just make out her giggle. Then I remembered what I told her yesterday, and how that meant that it, whatever it was, was real. I couldn't take it back now.

But Alice was smiling. And in her joy I lost my worry, her smile a match struck in me, a small plateau of warmth in a slowly blackening forest.
"Taryn! Pay attention please."
I snapped back, into the lesson, to the endless wrong calculations scribbled in my textbook, the rustling of paper and scratching of pencils against slightly battered textbooks.

Shit, you're already failing this class Taryn.

I mumbled an apology as Alice turned around. She caught my dull brown eyes as a scarlet blush burned across my face.

She saw you staring she saw you staring she saw you staring you creep you creep you creep.

I attempted to smile, rubbing my eyes again and forcing myself to focus on the Maths.

She saw me staring. Oh God, she saw me staring.

ALICE'S POV:

Was she? Was she, maybe, looking at me? I smiled at the girl beside me, Jess, who was honestly getting on my nerves. The sun was warm today, sweet and welcome against the bitter of the air.

I had finished the calculations and I doodled on the corner of my book. I couldn't get the nagging question out of my mind.

Taryn, were you looking at me?

I shook the thought from my mind. After all, we had Ash's sleepover later. I couldn't act weird then. I'm sure she just wanted my attention to tell me something. But I couldn't snuff out the hope that it was something more.

I looked at the trees outside shaking their huge coats in the wind, tapping my pen on the desk.

Taryn, it's okay if you were looking at me.