Holeheart

When The Marines Come Home

February 5th, 2021

There was no greater pain to me than being that thing you came home to in October of last year. However, there was also no greater pride. I was the reason you were counting the days. I was the reason you slept soundly in that place. I was all you ever wanted and all you ever needed, and I was there for you when you were in your darkest mind. In October you robbed me of more than just my flowers. All my senses, my self love, my endless effort, my blind trust, and my understanding of what it means to be true to someone. I willingly handed you every piece of me I had to offer. I want to say it was a blurry five months, but I remember every second, and I always will. You taught me things no one else should have to learn, things people should already know. You taught me how important it is to respect yourself above others. You taught me to see through men like you. But knowing myself, I will more than likely make this mistake time and time again because I am so full of love, and each time I will be reminded of the pain we went through. I dream of the day I see your face. Your hair will be longer, your beard fuller, your eyebags darker, and your frown the deepest it has ever been. Your eyes may light up at me. Your face may shift entirely at the sight of me. I hope they do, I hope it does, so I can stare right back at you and tell you that you will rot for what you did. You will rot for being who you are. You will rot for looking me in my eyes and telling me you loved me. Or maybe none of that will be true. None of that will happen. I won't get to tell you to rot, because when I see you you'll be fine. That's what people like you do. They destroy things and move on. But I'll see you one day and I will know with every bit of my existence that you lost the best thing to ever walk into your life, and you know that. There is no greater pain to me than having my heart broken by you; there is no greater pride to me than being the girl who got away from you.

R.K.