December 12th, 2021
Fear is so dominate in me that I'd do anything to keep his hand in mine. He shouldn't have said those things to me, but he meant it. He carved every single one of those words into my heart. What does he really mean when he says he'd leave? What was initially a personal journey to heal my inner pain, turned into me hurting everyone I know. And I can't explain why saying and feeling things honestly give peoples a reason to resent me, and a desire to control me. I'd give anything to be at peace with this. I'd give anything to have you both. But it's just too hard. What shouldn't be choosing, turns into picking water over poison. And he says it should be easy! It should be easy! AND GOD IT SHOULD BE. But nobody but you will understand how hard it is. Nobody but you knows how deep it went. I am just as bad for you as you are for me. I don't want to give you any more false hope than I already did. And I don't want you to give me any more reason to stay. A greater force, call it the will of your God, comes between us every time. And it means something. I forgot that as soon as I saw you. Because fear dominated me. Nostalgia held my hand. Love kissed me. And I was gone. But fear is so dominant in me that I'd do anything not to lose what I have found. But anything from me is not enough. He made me see that I can not be the answer to your prayer.
R.K.
YOU ARE READING
Holeheart
PoetryI am the forgiver. I am the destroyer. I'm not at fault, but I deserve to be. Poetry and Prose Volume V 2021 DISCONTINUED
