The Unsaid

Chapter 11 - A tiny big problem

His fingers trembled and seemed powerless, so much so that the cigarette that they held threatened to fall off. The light from the moon bathed the area surrounded him in a dim light and a gentle breeze hit his skin. Leaning back on to the wall of the balcony, he diverted his energy to the lit up cigarette’s long body, held it tighter and bought it closer to his lips.

Taking one long drag at it, he held the fumes in his mouth for a few seconds and then released the smoke little bit at a time. The image of a teen Prithvi flashed before his eyes. The Prithvi who had first attempted to smoke at seventeen because of peer pressure; the Prithvi who had coughed uncontrollably then and wondered why people ever smoked when it felt so horrible.  He closed his eyes and smiled. He had now become one of ‘those’ people who liked this horrible stuff. He has become like one of ‘those’ people who believed that with marriage a woman would be tied to them forever and everything they do would be acceptable. ‘Acceptable.’ The word revolved in his mind as he groaned inwardly. No matter how much he would convince himself, he knew that he would never forgive himself for tonight. He had let desire take over sense and sensitivity, for he thought that was ‘acceptable’. It was only when he saw a tear trickle down the corner of her tightly shut eyes that everything hit him. Worse, it was when he saw relief in her eyes after, that made him cringe, relief that the ordeal was over for her. He had been unfair in judging her. Being bought up in this conservative environment, how could he have expected a young woman like her to behave differently? His body shivered with guilt.

“Prithvi.”

Pallavi’s voice, thought soft, startled him and he jumped at his place. He turned around and found her standing by the balcony door. He stood staring at her when the cigarette burned his finger and he shook it off his hand.

“Smoking?” Her voice wasn’t accusing. He had told her that he smoked occasionally; he didn’t have anything to worry, he hoped.

“Yeah. Woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep.” He noticed a slight flicker of worry cross her eyes. “Oh,” she said and stood uncertainly.  There was a moment of silence between them, when he wondered if she would walk to him or he would go to her or if she would simply go back. She fidgeted with the balcony door but stood at her place.

“Pallavi” he whispered and held his hand out to her, his heart pounding, realizing how much he needed her with him, realizing how lonely he was.  Yes, he was more alone than anyone could ever predict. She stared into his eyes for a couple of seconds before walking over to him and taking his hand. He pulled the stray hair on her face aside as she lowered her eyes.

“Couldn’t sleep?”

She stared into the fields and replied softly. “Not without you.” She looked up into his eyes and he wondered if she needed him as much as he needed her. As they stood under the moonlight, hand in hand, he understood that the promise of a new beginning, a new chapter in his life, was slowly materializing.  He might have made a mistake in starting it the wrong way but he would correct himself.

“Let’s sleep, your alarm will wake me up early,” he teased and led her inside. She climbed on the bed and snuggled upto him, using his arm as her pillow.  He hugged her and kissed her forehead, then her cheeks and then her lips. Within minutes, they were sound asleep.

~

Pallavi woke up earlier than usual. The pain would go away soon, she told herself, observing Prithvi as he slept peacefully under the dim light.  She busily worked in the kitchen in the morning when Jaya insisted that she take rest. Gosh, did she know about her and Prithvi just by looking at her? She took a peaceful nap in the afternoon and felt a lot better by evening.  As the night approached, a thought began to bother her. Had he noticed it or not? She had wanted to tell him but he had been too swift and she was so nervous that she it didn’t come to her mind. She had to confirm that he knew and had no objection. Tonight. She decided.