Help me. (C.D)

4.

Current day: August 5, 2015
"Dear journal,
I feel loved, wanted. Yesterday, I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, don't ask me why, because I honestly have no idea why. I guess being in love could do that to you. I've just never felt anything, that I'm feeling now. I don't know it's complicated."
As I closed my journal, I looked at myself in the mirror, beside my desk.

I still didn't feel beautiful, but everything I'm feeling now, that feeling of being wanted. It's great. I just hope it lasts. But I know something bad will happen. That's what happens to me, when something great happens to me, something bad will follow its path, And I hate it.

I heard my mom yell from downstairs.
"Blake, I'm home!" I let out a small smile. She has just finished her shift at work I'm assuming.
"I'm upstairs, be down in a minute!" I yelled.
I stood up from my chair, and walked out of my bedroom.

As I ran down the stairs to greet my mother, I over heard her talking with someone on the phone.
"Alright, I'll see you at 7, ok goodbye." She said with a chuckle.
I continued walking.
"Hi."
"Hey babes." She said with a smile.
I was very curious to know who that was she was speaking to.
"Who were you talking to on the phone?"
"Well, I started looking on dating websites..." She said with uncertainty in her voice.
"Ok, so you found someone? What's his name? How old? Have any ki-" she quickly cut me off.
When I'm nervous or even scared, I start to ramble with my words.
"Wow, slow down there Blake.. What is this 21 questions?"
"Maybe."
"Blake look, it's just a date, I'm not marrying the guy."
"Well can you at least tell me his name?"
"It's James Hoovident." Dang, a guy with that kind of name has to own part of China.
"Cool. When are you leaving tonight?"
"Seven."
"Alright well I'm going to take a walk.. Bye, love you."
"Love you too, and not to late ok?"
"Alright." I said very plainly.

As I was walking, I started to think, about a lot actually.
What if me and Cameron really hit it off? Like maybe boyfriend and girlfriend, but I'm realizing who he hangs out with. And who he is.

Cameron hangs out with Nash Grier. I'm now realizing why someone looked familiar... Nash, at my school is know as the heart throb, the bad boy, and of course who could forget those eyes? Well Nash would pick on me, not to the Extreme, but he would treat me like his punching bag. He would tell me my dad left because I was a failure in his eyes.

But I kept moving forward. Never did I think it would turn out like this hell hole I'm in today. As I was thinking, I felt my pocket vibrate.
It was Cameron.
Cam: "you should come hang with me.."
I wonder if he is with anyone..
Me: "like right now?"
Cam:"yes right now!"
Me:"ok where.."
Cam: "my house.."
He gave me his address, I figured out, it was in my neighbor hood..
--skip walking because that's boring.--
I stood on his front porch thinking about what I might be getting myself into...Well here goes nothing.
I knocked.
I heard running towards the door, it opened in 2 seconds.
"Hey" said Cam.
"Hey.." I said kinda in an awkward state of mind at that moment.
"Well, come in me lady." He said with opening the door wider so I could step in.
"Is anyone else here?" I asked while twisting in circles to see every inch of his wonderful home.
"Oh yeah, Nash and Matt are.. Hope you're good with that?"
Crap.
"Yeah, yeah totally fine." I said while biting my lip.
"Well Follow me Blakey."
We stared walking towards what I was thinking was his game room?
And I was correct.
There stood Nash and Matt playing darts. And that's where they both looked at me and Cameron.

"Hey man." Said Matt while turning his gaze upon me. Not going to lie, Matt is really good looking.

Nash looked at me.
Smiled and nodded. What in gods green earth! You don't just do that to a girl who you've been picking on! Yeah a smile is ok, but a nod? What in the hell. I know if I were him, I would talk to me, about everything!
--1 hour later--
We were siting on Cams couch watching movies and just talking.
I was in between Cameron, and Matt, Nash was sitting next to cam.
That is until he got up and motioned me towards the door..
Oh god.
"Hey, I'll be right back." I told Cam as I was starting to get up.
"Ok, you alright?"
"Oh yeah, don't worry I'll be fine." I gave him the best smile I could, and started walking towards what looked like Cams family room.
I know I might be making a big deal about talking to Nash, but what do you expect, yeah he only picked on me, but that kinda pushed everyone to think I was they're punching bag.
I finally made my way over to where Nash was sitting, he was bouncing his leg up and down.
It was awkward at first because we where just sitting there, but he finally said something.
"How are you Blake?"
Are you kidding me. 'How are you Blake?'
"I've been better." I said while looking at the wall with no expression what so ever.
"Look, I know you probably don't want to talk to me, and possibly even hate me, but we need to work things out."
"Words can't even describe the hate I feel towards you at the moment Nash." I wasn't planning on being mean to him, but I wasn't planning on being nice either.

"Yeah I know, but please Blake, talk to me."
"What do you want me to say Nash? That I forgive you, that I'll pat you on the back and tell you every thing you said to me was alright, Because I'm sure as hell not giving you any sympathy."
He looked hurt. But now he knows how I've felt, and been feeling since middle school.
"I don't except that from you Blake."
"Then what do you expect Nash?" My voice started to crack.
"I really don't know at this point to be honest with you."
"Nash, there is really nothing to talk about, except for the fact that you, and your stupid little 5 year old friends have been nothing but horrible to me since I can remember. Do you even know how out of hand all this has really gotten? Because let me tell you Nash, it's led towards cyber bullying, people actually come to my house and write horrible letters towards me, and put them in my mailbox. I've been to several different shrinks, and I started harming myself, I've also been diagnosed with depression."
By this point I was crying, and I was yelling, can you blame me?
Nash just looked at me with a shocked expression.
"Do you feel succeeded, in life Nash? Because having no one to talk to, and express my feelings to, it sucks, so I hope you feel GREAT, about yourself."
I started turning around, and there both Cameron and Matt where looking at the both of us with shocked expressions and wide eyes.

"Blake.." Cameron said barely above a whisper. I looked at the two of them, and back at Nash. I had decided that Nash could explain, because I've decided I didn't want to talk about it anymore.
"I have to go." I quickly said, and ran out the door. Saying all that, had been bringing back so many memories that I started getting a migraine.

All I wanted to do when I got home was fall into a deep sleep, and that's exactly what I did.
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Hey guys!! So I have great things for this book!! Sorry about all the really late updates, I'll try and have maybe 2 chapters every week, maybe even more.. And yes I did leave you with a cliffhanger, hopefully! Be ready for another chapter this week!! Love Ya'll
-Kenn❤️