Fragile

Fragile XX

"I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for."

I snorted, staring at him incredulously. "Right. I just showed up at your doorstep crying, kissed you, then ignored you for six months." His cheeks reddened, just barely visible under the glow of the artificial stars hanging above us, but I could still see it. Just like how I had been able to see his expression when I first led him in here. He had loved it here, just as I had expected, and I had silently thanked that annoying radio ad that had come on the other day. It had taken a lot to convince the owner to let me rent out this room, especially on such short notice but with a few nudges (and a couple hundred dollars) I was able to convince the guy to let me have the room for the rest of the evening. 

And it had all been worth it. 

When I say that Castiel's eyes had glowed, I meant that in the most literal way possible. It was if he had died and gone to heaven. His eyes just had this spark to them, a sparkle that I had missed seeing these past few months. He looked so at peace in here- happy, and the longer I stared at him, the more I realized that what I had felt for Castiel had all been real.

I was completely and utterly in love with him. 

"In your defense, I was the one who kissed you first."

"How is that a defense?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. Terrible timing?"

I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. "Leave it to you to blame yourself for something that I did."

"Well, when you put it like that, I sound pretty dumb for coming back, huh?" He chuckled but when I looked away in response, he sighed. "Dean, seriously, I'm not mad."

"Why not?" I snapped suddenly, catching him off guard. "I hurt you. I ignored you. I not only left you when you needed me the most, but I also broke my promise to you. I said I'd never leave and what did I do? I just up and ditch you. I left you for six months and then out of the blue I ask you  to come meet me? How can you just lay here and not be the tiniest bit resentful? I left you, Cas. I left you." I was starting to get angry, frustrated. How could he just sit there and tell me that what I did was okay? Hells, I was angry for him.  I never should've left him like that. I never should've ran away. 

He deserved so much better.

I bit my lip at the thought and it was quiet for a moment as we both thought about what we had been through these past six months. I had only heard bits and pieces from Sam, but I had heard enough to know that Castiel had been hurting. 

"He keeps asking about you." Sam sighed into the phone, his voice crackling in my ear. I frowned, spinning the razor blade in my hand. It had only been a month since I had left Castiel but in that month, Benny had left and things were getting tougher at Bobby's shop. Then there was also the fact that anytime I called to ask Sam about his new job, the topic of Castiel always came up and that only made this entire thing even harder.

"Oh."

"Dean, what do you want me to say?"

"How about no?" I snorted, leaning back into my couch. "How about, I don't feel comfortable talking about my brother with you?"

"Dean."

"What?" I snapped, setting down the blade on the coffee table. "It's called common courtesy, Sammy. You don't talk about my personal life and you don't say things that'll only hurt him."

"That's the thing though. It....it seems like it's the only thing that gets him through the day," he said quietly and I clenched my hands at that, squeezing my eyes shut so hard that it was starting to hurt.

Cas...

I had hurt him so much by leaving, and I couldn't help but think how selfish it was of me to try and come back into his life. I wondered if he was thinking the same thing, because he went back to staring up thoughtfully at the stars while I tried to do the same, but my gaze kept going back over to him, as if I was afraid the second I kept my eyes away from him that he'd disappear and this would all be a dream. It felt too real to be a dream though. I could feel his body heat from beside me, feel the edges of his trench coat lightly brush the back of my hand beside it. It was amazing. It had only been six months yet he looked older now. His hair had grown out a bit, the strands on top just barely hanging infront of his eyes and my fingers twitched at the sight, wanting nothing more than to brush it off his face. However, just as I was seriously debating about it, his eyes finally met mine.

"I'm not mad," he started slowly, "because Sam told me why you did it."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, he told me, Dean."

I didn't say anything. I couldn't. Not when my mind was spinning at the thought that Castiel had known everything. I should've known Sam was going to tell him. I should've known that he'd try and explain my actions despite me telling him to just leave it alone. I didn't want Castiel to pity me. I didn't want him to worry about me in case things went wrong. However, I should've known the Sam wouldn't have listened to me. 

You love him, Dean.

And?

And I think you're stupid for trying to give it up.

"That doesn't make what I did right," I finally said and Castiel nodded in response.

"Oh, I know. I'm not saying I approve of you just ditching me. In fact, if you ever do it again, I will personally hunt you down and kick your ass. But," he added when I started to feel guilty again, "I'm glad you got clean. I'm glad you had the time to become the person you've wanted to become, and I'm glad you texted me." He voice got quieter. "To be honest, I was starting to wonder if you ever were going to text me."

"Why did you come anyway?" I asked suddenly and he gave me a dry stare.

"Why do you think?" 

"To punch me in the face," I said instantly and his lips twitched in amusement. 

"I was tempted to, but I didn't want to get blood on this nice clean floor." I smiled lightly at that. "What?" He asked when I didn't say anything. 

I shrugged, turning away from him. "Nothing, just thinking how much I love you," I said casually but I heard his breath catch, saw his hand before I felt it grab ahold of my jacket sleeve. He tugged me towards him, our chests brushing against one another's as we stared into each other's eyes. 

"Dean?" He asked softly, his lips brushing lightly against mine.

"Yeah?"

"Can you not run away this time?" 

My heart clenched and before I could answer, his lips were pressed right against mine. Smooth. Warm. Frantic. Perfect. It was as if he wanted to make up for lost time. Our tongues moved in a rhythm, hands grasping the fabrics of each other's clothing as we pressed desperately against each other. I could feel my body heating at his touch, my heart pounding loud in my chest that I was sure that he could hear it. 

"You're shaking," he gasped out against my lips, pupils dilated. He looked so beautiful like that. Hair a mess, eyes wild with desire, clothes rumbled from my touch. 

"I think I just found my new addiction," I breathed out, leaning forward so our foreheads pressed against each other's. He chuckled breathlessly. 

"Then why the hell did you stop kissing me?"

The end.

Dedicated toWendyguardiansofgf marvelgirl1254 ieatstickynotes Hellstarshipper

Thank you for reading.