Fragile

Fragile VII

Fragile VII

"Why don't you ever visit mom?" I asked suddenly, sliding into the passenger seat just as my dad hit the gas. I quickly buckled in, gripping the edges of the seat as he took a sharp turn away away from the cemetery. "Dad?" I frowned, hearing him let out a sigh and slowly ease off the gas. He didn't say anything at first, something I had expected given how he had been acting since mom died, and I thought he wasn't going to answer me until he suddenly spoke.

"Because it hurts."

I frowned, "But you loved her."

"Yes, Dean."

"So shouldn't you want to visit her?" I pressed, not noticing how his hands tightened around the steering wheel. He shook his head.

"It doesn't work that way."

"But-"

"No more talking, Dean."

I had quickly learned that talking about my mom only got me into trouble. 

It was like that love John had claimed to have for her had suddenly become hate. The thing that had once brought him so much joy now turned his world dark and bitter. He hated it whenever I brought her up. He hated hearing her name fall from my lips. He yelled whenever Sam and I asked to see photos or hear stories about her. My mother's name quickly became blasphemy in our household. It got to the point where I was afraid to even think about her, lest I get punished for the thought.

So when Castiel asked about her, I found myself spilling everything out. 

I talked about how my parents first met. How my dad was impressed at my mother's knowledge of cars and how my mother's parents had hated John at first. I talked about how surprised they were when they found out my mom was pregnant, and how they named Sam after our grandfather after he had passed away. It was like all those times I held back on my memories of my mother was suddenly too much for me to hold in. All the while, Castiel just watched me with those beautiful blue eyes of his. Actually listening to everything I was saying and laughing along the more I talked. 

It was nice to have someone genuinely interested in what I had to say - nice to have someone to share the good memories with. 

I had more fun that night than I had had in years.

It was strange. We were still practically strangers to each other, but it didn't feel that way. There was a strange sense of familiarity when I was with Castiel. It was almost like we had known each other for years. I felt comfortable with him. Safe. It was a strange feeling- a feeling that I didn't want to let go. I could tell that Castiel felt the same way, from the way his eyes sparkled like the sun hitting an ocean, to the way his skin crinkled around the edges of his eyes whenever he smiled. 

I trusted him and I think he knew that, because just as he was dropping me off at my place, he asked me if I could make him a promise.

A promise I was already starting to regret.

"I have to say, I didn't expect to see you here so soon," Dr. Wilson admitted, gesturing for me to take a seat across from him. It was a Tuesday, three days earlier than our usual session. And I had to admit, even I was surprised I was here, but Castiel could be really persuasive when he wanted to be.

I took a seat on the loveseat, watching as the older man put on his glasses, and grabbed his pad and paper from the side table next to him. "May I ask what spurred this sudden visit?"

"A friend thought it'd be a good idea."

I think if you actually tried, Sam would be more willing to reconsider the therapist.