by order of the fucking peaky blinders

53

"Charlottes favourite author once said 'if I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.' And I think that's a good way to describe how I'm feeling right now. You all know I'm more for actions than words, never been the smartest of people. But she always pushed me, she pushed us all to do better, challenging us as we went through life. It's who she was, she wanted the best for the people she cared about.

When someone you love dies, and you aren't expecting it, you don't lose her all at once; you lose small fragments over time- you realise you'll never hear her voice again, the sound of her laughter is no longer ringing through your head, won't get another hug, never stroke her soft hair whilst helping her sleep, or see her fiddling with her own fingers when she's nervous. And slowly her scent will fade away, from the rooms, from the bedsheets and from her clothes. When you speak to an empty room and don't get a reply, or when you're laying awake at night, waiting for her to come skipping into the bedroom a big cheeky grin on her face, but she never comes. Or perhaps youre standing outside, the rain pissing it down as you're waiting for her to come running outside, just to dance, and spin about. It's these little things.

I wish I could've said goodbye, I wish I knew the last time, would've been the last time. I would've made it last longer, held her a little closer. I'll never love anyone as much as I did my wife, and I wanna pretend that it's not true, that she isn't gone, but that it isn't how it works.

It's not a fairytale, we don't get a happy ending. I guess I thought it'd be different, that for once, this world would let this family be happy. Stop throwing shit in our direction, but apparently that's impossible. No happily ever after.

Fortunately she left her mark behind in this world, on each of us here. We will never forget her. And our two kids, Nathan and Duggy. Our precious boys. They will know what their mother died for. They will know everything about her, her bravery, her unwavering loyalty, her protectiveness, her kindness. She wasn't one for discrimination, she didn't care about your religion, she didn't care about your race, your size, your sex, if you showed her you were worth fighting for, then she would've gone to fucking battle by your side.

I love Charlotte Jesus. Not past tense, she may be dead but my love for her isn't, nor will it ever be. In my heart she is still just as alive as the day we first got together, and a heart thats broke, is a heart thats been loved. Char was the angel of Small Heath, perhaps not literally, but she was a light in the darkness, a symbol of hope, for everyone, and she will be missed, every second of the day.

My wife is dead. I'm struggling to come to terms with that," Isaiah says, pausing to wipe a fallen tear "she's gone and i'll never get her back. So-" Isaiah speaks shakily looking up, and Diego steps forwards hugging his bestfriend, guiding him to the side, gesturing for Tommy to finish.

"If you have any words you'd like to send with her, now's your time." Tommy states placing an envelope into the side of the wagon. Stepping to the side where Lizzie was stood, ready to give him a hug, which he gladly accepted. Turning to watch everyone else pay their respects with his arm round Lizzies shoulders. 

"Johnny, start the music" Arthur says and Johnny nods, putting the stylis on the record, pressing the start button for the music to start playing.

"To Charlie" Arthur toasts striking a match and lighting the wagon, as everyone replies sadly.

"Ziah, Ziah. She's gone. You can't get her back" Diego says struggling against Isaiah who was trying to break through to get to his wife. "She's dead" Diego repeats, as Isaiahs arms cling round him, sobbing onto his shoulder, feeling the heat from the flames as Charlottes body got burnt.