The Dating Disasters of Sirius Black

6

Part 6: Julie Halverston and Something New
Late March, Friday afternoon, Gryffindor common room.

Remus was going over his revision notes for History of Magic with Lily when Sirius walked in. With a
black eye. With a black eye and a really smug look on his face. Oh bugger, thought Remus.

He quickly excused himself to Lily, then grabbed Sirius by the arm and dragged him up to their empty dormitory.

'What?' Sirius asked innocently.

'I don't know, for some reason that smug look you get always makes me suspicious. It always means either you just shagged someone or you punched someone, and judging by that shiner you have it isn't the former.'

'You never know-'

'Shut up! What did you do? Was it Snape?'

'I got detention.' Sirius smiled magnificently. 'Oh?'

'Yes,' he'd begun preening himself in the mirror. 'This black eye is very fetching on me, isn't it? Very rugged and manly.' Remus watched as Sirius rearranged his glossy, and very un-manly, thick black hair around his face. 'I can see how I'm irresistible.'

'You didn't explain the black eye yet.'

'Didn't I?' he tossed his hair back arrogantly.

'Sirius.'

'Oh alright, if you're dying to know.' He threw himself onto Remus' bed. Remus didn't join him and certainly didn't lose his suspicious expression. 'And stop looking at me like that.'

'Like what?'

'You know, that way you do. So, I was walking down the corridor, innocently minding my own business - don't interrupt--when who should I meet but old Julie-'

'Oh Sirius, not again.'

'Exactly!' Sirius pointed an emphatic finger at Remus' face. 'That's exactly what I thought! Not again. At least once a week it is. Dreadful. So we're trading insults, as per usual, you know, I'm saying how shit the Ravenclaw Quidditch team are in as many different ways as possible, and I was thinking how boring-'

'Why don't you ever get bored having the same argument with Snape every day?'

'That's different.'

'I don't see-'

'Shut up; my story. So I was thinking about how boring this argument was and how totally pointless it was, I was thinking maybe I should just write down all the relevant points and have him read them over every so often, when I realised.'

'Realised what?' Remus groaned.

'Well it's silly, isn't it? I mean; why me? Why does he hate me so much?'

'Because you're James' best friend.'

'Yes, exactly. No! Wait, that wasn't the point. Why does he always pick fights with me when I'm not even on the Quidditch team? Obviously he hates James because James flies better than him, but why does he pick more fights with me than he does with James?'

'Because you antagonise him more?'

'Yes! No, wait, yes! I antagonise him.'

'I can't see what is so revelatory about that; you antagonise everyone.'