The words I might've ate

Chapter Five

"You're not in love with Billie Joe. Listen to yourself. I mean- that doesn't even sound right. 'I'm in love with Billie Joe'. Nope-" I shook my head, looking back at my reflection. "-Doesn't even sound like it's right,"

I gave myself another hard stare, thinking about every possible moment I had ever spent with him on this earth. There wasn't a chance I just suddenly woke up and magically had all these strong feelings towards him. You can't just fall in love with someone overnight. Well- not as fast as I did anyway. But- I didn't. I'm not in love. And I know I'm not.

How could I be? The guys my best friend.

"Billies like- like- like- like family. You don't love him, maybe you just think you do because you're not sure what love even feels like. You're confused at best," I carried on, speaking to my reflection. "You even have a boyfriend- shit. I have a boyfriend,"

I bit my lip looking away from myself. Before mumbling. "Matthew... oh my Got he'd kill me if he heard this,"

Staring at nothing in my room, I thought long and hard switching the subject of my thoughts from Matthew and Billie Joe. Swapping them, almost comparing them.

This Billie I had in my dream. It wasn't like me and Matthew. There was passion. There felt like there was love. There was something there. Like this perfect example of what younger me dreamt of. But even younger me had always been friends with Billie, these feelings never hit me until last night.

And with Matthew... well with Matthew there wasn't really anything.

I think it was more of a mutual agreement that we would both be together, to escape being alone.

He wasn't my type of guy, not the guy I dreamt of when I was a child. I knew I wasn't his. I mean- I'd seen all the posters he keeps up in his room. But we try to make it work together because for some reason, no love feels better than no one.

So for what felt like an eternity. I sat ripping my mind apart trying to find a right answer, until my phone in front of me began to ring.

Looking over, I saw Mikes contact. So, I picked the phone up. "Dirnt,"

"Jackson,"

I took a breath in. "Everything okay?"

"On my half, what about yours?"

No, Michael, I'm trying to figure out if I'm in love with our childhood best friend Billie Joe Armstrong. "Fantastic,"

"Busy?"

"Apart from talking to my reflection- no,"

"What you guys talking about?"

How I'm not in love with Billie? "Oh... y'know... reflection stuff,"

"Reflection stuff...? Is that what you said? Reflection s-"

I huffed loudly cutting him off. "-Yes alright Michael. Now, what do you want?"

"Well, when your done talking about reflection stuff to your reflection wanna come hang out with me and Tre?"

"I can maybe find some time to spare for you guys." I shrugged, standing up as I walked away from the vanity. I sat myself down on my bed, putting the phone beside me on speaker as I loosened up the laces on my converse ready to put them on. "Whats our occasion?"

"Spying on Billie and his girlfriend,"

"Nova?"

"Nova other one," I heard Tre shout in the background.

"Tre's with you?"

Mike sighed. "Him and his bad puns, yes,"

"Shut up Mike it was good," Tre grumbled, sounding closer to the phone than before. "Hi jersey!"