Such Kylo Trash

Truth

You woke up alone and cold despite the shirt Kylo Ren had leant you. Raising yourself into a sitting position, you realized that the man had already left. You took a moment to look around the room. While overall his quarters were much like the one aboard the Finalizer, there were some differences. The collection of ashes for starters. You narrowed your eyes as you stared at said collection. Did he ever rub the remains all over his body, you wondered. People did strange things, had bizarre rituals, and the enigma that was Kylo Ren made it difficult for you to even know how to feel about everything.

Thus it was with those uncertain feelings that you rose from bed, rinsed off in the refresher, and then redressed in the shirt that had been leant to you. You wrapped your arms around yourself before slinking out of Ren's quarters with the purpose of picking up the new uniforms that had been promised to you. You were given eight such uniforms, and you carried them all back to the Knight's quarters. You set them on the end of the bed, changed, and finally stood there with your mind in a blank. You had been told that you would be assigned duties in approximately two more days' time. In the meanwhile, you did not know what to do with your time.

You eventually pulled on a second uniform so that you could go outside; while you had been assured that one would do for the harsh climate on Starkiller, you had your doubts since you were not acclimated. You went outdoors, happy that you had pulled on a hat and earmuffs as well as gloves. You went straight for the snow. Technically you were off-duty. You could do anything you wanted. Building a snowman sounded just dandy to you.

You started to roll the snow into a ball, slowly but surely packing on more until you were forced to begin walking and pushing it in order to keep its shape spherical. When you began working on the next layer, you paused. For some reason you were struck by the thought that you had done this before. Though it was not constantly snowing on your home planet, it did snow from time to time. Your fiancé. Furrowing your brow, you flinched and shied away from that topic. Then stopped dead.

Laughing, you and your fiancé worked on the snowman the two of you had decided to create. You were on a short break from your training in the First Order. Your fiancé had apologized for having cheated on you, and you had taken time off from training to meet with him. It had been a month since he had broken the news, and you had come away from your disbelief and your anger. You were numb to it, and your laughter was forced. In the back of your mind, you knew you had to act regular so as to not scare the man away.

You were equally as numb, your expression neutral, when you had been holding him under the ice-cold water of the pond where there were no witnesses. Neither smiling nor crying when your father had arrived, yanking you away and staring down into the water at the corpse. "You were never here," he said coldly. "We won't speak of this. It was an accident."

He had then made some calls, presumably contacting a General or the Supreme Leader. Two days later, however, it was someone much different who arrived. A mask on his face. The infamous Knight of Ren, who waved a hand before your face. "You never left the academy."

"I never left the academy," you repeated. A motion of his hand, and you blacked out.

You stood there in the snow on Starkiller Base. The ball you had been creating had started to fall apart, and you were hardly aware of this fact. Officers and troopers walked about, some of which spared you a glance. A number of them stopped walking when you lurched forward and vomited on the snow. Someone caught you as you began to collapse. You curled up in the arms that were around you, allowing the individual to carry you to medbay. Your head ached, which had much to do with the fact that you had somehow managed to break through the barrier that had been clouding your mind for, apparently, well over two years.